faith. hope. love.

We are at the point of counting down by days rather than weeks – 25 days till departure. There are days when I wake up and for a moment think to myself, I’m not going to go. Usually this has more to do with the fact that I don’t even want to get out of bed that morning to face the day, let alone think about traveling so far from home. The irrational thought of cancelling the expensive flight that has already been purchased quickly disappears as my fears are replaced with excitement. I have the opportunity to serve God – whether it be in Ghana or here in New Jersey, it is something to be excited about. God promises to never leave us nor forsake us. Therefore, fear disappears.

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” (Isaiah 41:10)

Fear disappears as God fills us with peace in the knowledge and assurance of His faithfulness. The past week and a half has been difficult and full of questions, some of which have no answers. Our human nature always tries to provide rational reasons for life’s events, especially the tragedies. We are not comfortable with the fact that we are less in control of life than we realize. I am a very independent person by nature – I don’t like to depend on others or ask for help. However, reality sets in and points to the difficult yet comforting fact that I am not my own. God forces us to our knees and asks us to depend on Him – He is our refuge and strength (Psalm 46:1). Despite life’s uncertainties, I can trust that my life is in His hands.

In the midst of all the thoughts and fears and questions of this past week as our community mourned the death of a saint, but also in looking back and reflecting on other times of struggle and pain, three words keep popping into my head – faith, hope, love. I have come to love these words. For me, they capture the heart and soul of the Gospel. When everything seems to be crashing down around me, when it feels like the rain never stops pouring down, when life just doesn’t make sense…but even when we are overwhelmed with the incredible blessings in life, when our hearts are full of joy, when we feel as though we are standing on top of the mountain, “these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love” (I Corinthians 13:13).

ghana.

i haven't blogged in a while. my mind is full of thoughts, but i don't know how to formulate them just yet. so for now i will leave you with a "journal" entry i wrote last week...

In five weeks from tomorrow our group will be setting off for a 10-day mission trip to Ghana, West Africa. The reality of this trip has yet to sink in – I’m not sure that it will until we are there in the heat of the equatorial sun, experiencing a culture in a world that despite our weekly briefing meetings our minds could never completely grasp. There is a very specific reason that each one of us is going – some of us have realized that reason, some of us think we have but will be pleasantly surprised, some of us have yet to discover the reason but are following a calling. Regardless, we have all been chosen.

I rarely think of myself as having been chosen. While I am likely to recognize that I am in certain situations for a reason, this idea does not typically translate into feeling chosen. I am part of a culture that has become so comfortable with freedom and the ability to make choices. In fact, we often become overwhelmed by decisions we face. As I walk thru life, I encounter decisions that force me to determine what I want to do. My selfish and individualistic nature is always thinking about me and my wants. I think that while God uses the Holy Spirit to guide me in my decisions, I never arrive at a place with the mentality that I was chosen to be there.

God has chosen me to be a part of the Ghana mission trip. Ever since I made the last-minute decision to go I have been overwhelmed by the sense of being called to go with this group. Over the past several months when I was asked by someone if I was going on the trip, I always had an answer and explanation as to why I was not going. Then suddenly one day I no longer had an explanation – my reasons had no foundation and had merely become excuses. I have yet to discover the reason for my going, but I am following the chosen calling.

I have been chosen to go on a journey that will without a doubt change me. I know that not one of us in the group will return unchanged. Change can be scary and uncomfortable, sometimes even painful. It might mean letting go of things that we’ve clung to for so long that we don’t even realize its damage. It might mean giving up the things we want and being content with what we need. It might mean jumping into uncertainties and unknowns instead of standing still with the familiar. Regardless, it is my prayer that each one of us who have been chosen to follow this calling to serve in Ghana will embrace this change with faith that God works for the good of those who love Him.