sanctification:

- "the state of growing in divine grace"

it was good? can you imagine what our once perfect and sinless creation looked like? the beauty of blooming spring flowers certainly provides an allusion to eden, but it isn't the real deal. it isn't the "very good" creation that God made. this isn't what God intended.

forget creation. look at us - look at me, look at you, look around. we aren't what God intended either.

just like flowering spring trees provides an allusion of the good that was intended, we can occasionally sprout some things that resemble "good". but i am far from what God intended of me.

sanctification. sanctification provides hope for me, for you, for us. although we are currently justified, we will also one day be completely sanctified. i long for that day.

all this earth

could all that is lost ever be found

could a garden come up from this ground at all

you make beautiful things

you make beautiful things out of dust

you make beautiful things

you make beautiful things out of us

all around

hope is springing up from this old ground

out of chaos life is being found in You

(gungor - beautiful things)

God intended me to be beautiful, but i am not beautiful today. one day, though.

p.s.

my apologies for all of the wordy and boring, photo-less blogs lately. it's a shame because jay and i were actually generously given a very nice camera for christmas (thank you, culps) and i haven't used it since costa rica...nor have i downloaded the photos to my computer yet. lazy? i didn't think so, but maybe! partly also due to the fact that i have left my computer to my parents temporarily while they deal with their computer issues. i promise, i will get some good photos on here soon enough!

until then, just deal.

psalm 1

"blessed is the one

who does not walk in step with the wicked

or stand in the way that sinners take

or sit in the company of mockers,

but whose delight is in the law of the Lord,

and who meditates on his law day and night.

that person is like a tree planted by streams of water,

which yields its fruit in season

and whose leaf does not wither -

whatever they do prospers.

not so the wicked!

they are like chaff

that the wind blows away.

therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgement,

nor sinners in the assembly of the righteous.

for the Lord watches over the way of the righteous,

but the way of the wicked leads to destruction."

psalm 1

when the forsythia blooms...

jay thinks that it should be a title of a book, when the forsythia blooms. instead i use it for the title of the post but cannot claim to be the originator of the phrase. i just like it.

summer was most likely my favorite season growing up as a kid for obvious reasons - off from school. even when you are no longer enrolled in any sort of education, summer still has its draws. there is something about it that feels a bit more relaxing. even when i was working and my sisters (both teachers at various points) were off for the summer i still felt much of the summer vibe.

but over the past few years i have discovered my love of spring. i think it probably started in college. i went to school in michigan - grand rapids, michigan to be exact. i am not sure if it is an accurate claim but much of the dreary and depressing weather of grand rapids from october-may is blamed on the "lake effect". or maybe that is just what all of the snow is explained by. regardless, grand rapids is a pretty gloomy place, in terms of weather, from what i remember lasting from mid-october till just about the beginning of may. i don't think i am exaggerating too much. the winter felt very long even when it wasn't snowing. i became aware of seasonal affective disorder in psychology and it quickly made sense to me - i felt down because of the lack of sun and green nature.

then spring came. commons lawn regained its lush, dark green color. the tulips (this is the land of the dutch, you know) bloomed. trees budded leaves and flowers. the sky more frequently rid itself of gloomy clouds and let the sun shine through its blueness. spring came and my spirits were renewed.

i believe my first post-college job at the nursery further developed my love of spring. partly because i loved returning from a winter of unemployment (the bittersweet reality of seasonal work) and getting back to work in mid-march. but also, we received delivery after delivery of beautiful, sweet-smelling, colorful plants. star magnolias, kwanzan cherries, chinese dogwoods. azaleas, lilacs, andromeda. and of course, forsythia.

as i drive around now, or on bike rides or walks, i notice the increasing colors. i take in the scents of spring. especially today, walking through the hundreds of cherry trees (many of which have started to bloom), i notice my mood shift. i start to walk a bit lighter. i hold my head up more often. yes, i feel myself become more "jill"...when the forsythia blooms.

self-checkout

unless i have a shopping cart full of items (and by "full" i mean, more than 15 individual items), and so long as it is offered, i always use self-checkout at stores. part of me loves the role of the cashier - moving things down the conveyor belt...which doesn't really exist on the self-checkouts, but i can pretend...finding the bar code on an item and scanning it, bagging it strategically so that nothing gets damaged or spoiled. when we were young we had a toy cash register that i just loved. i remember rummaging around the house for things to scan at the "store". part of me chooses the self-check out to be faster. but who am i kidding, it is never faster.

the majority of the time, my self-checkout register gives me enough problems to make the whole process unenjoyable and much longer than it needs to be or would be if i just went to a cashier. the worst is when you have a problem, it requires the help of an employee, and no one is anywhere to be found. then finally, minutes later, one shows up. they simply enter a code and the "problem" is solved. (mind you, there never was a problem - the machine just chose to act up even though i scanned the item properly and put it in a bag as required)

but sometimes i am reckless, in a rush, and don't follow instructions (i had this problem as a young elementary school student too). the other day i was purchasing a single item - parchment paper for my baked sweet potato fries to be placed on in the oven - and it took many minutes more then it should have. the scanning process went just fine. it was the purchasing that took time. i swiped my card, enter the pin number, and the screen just kept freezing on the authorizing screen. meanwhile the checkout screen said to wait for an attendant. like usual, the attendant was nowhere to be found. finally one appears for a few seconds, does something, tells me to use my card. right away i think, yea that is what i have been doing. but i figure he adjusted something to allow it to work. same thing. authorizing. wait for an attendant. the boy is long gone and no one else is around. i push the help button finally in desperation. a women comes by to help. she does the same thing as the first boy, only she continues to explaining to either scan my a&p card or hit the no button. this is what he meant by use my card. seeing as a have an a&p card on my key chain, i swipe away and proceed with success to checkout. if i had just gone to a cashier i probably would have been home already at this point.

there is one thing i forgot to mention. something i am quite proud of. i used to shy away from using self-checkout if i had a produce item to purchase. the thought of weighing it and knowing the code and such intimidated me. i no longer live with this fear. some stores provide a station in the produce section where you can enter the code, weigh it and a sticker will be printed that has a bar code for scanning. but at other locations i simply go to the self-checkout, place the item on the scanner to be weighed, and enter the product code number. if it isn't on a sticker on the item, i simply look it up. though to be honest, there is always a part of me that is afraid i might enter the wrong code and get undercharged and that suddenly some cashier or employ will come after me for the unpaid cents.

amen.

in case you missed jay and my first dance (oh wait, or perhaps you weren't invited...), i just wanted to share the words with you. nothing fancy, but beautiful in it's simplicity and truth.

We will have love
We will have pain
There will be days and days and days that feel the same
We will have fear
We will have joy
And maybe little girls and little boys

We will have friends
We will have peace
There will be nights of lights and music 'til you sleep
We will be strong
We will still break
We'll live through so much more than we can take

Amen
Amen
With the dawn, we all begin again
Amen
Amen
What is done, and yet to come
Amen

We will have hope
We will have doubt
There will be memories we could never live without
We will have tears
But there will be grace
There will be prayers that we never thought we'd pray

Amen
Amen
With the dawn, we all begin again
Amen
Amen
What is done, and yet to come
Amen

In the sun or the storms
The flood or the flames
When everything's wrong, and I'm the one to blame
In heartache or hope
I swear I'll say, I'll say

Amen
Amen
With the dawn, we all begin again
Amen
Amen
What is done, and yet to come
Amen

good intentions...or are they?

"i do not understand what i do. for what i want to do i do not do, but what i hate i do. and if i do what i do not want to do, i agree that the law is good. as it is, it is no longer i myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. for i know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. for i have the desire to do what it is good, but i cannot carry it out. for i do not do the good i want to do, but the evil i do not want to do - this i keep on doing." (romans 7:15-19)

paul says it so perfectly. good and sinful nature cannot coexist. they are constantly at war with each other. sadly, it is our sinful nature that wins much of the time. and the few times that i actually do do good, that is pure grace. it is of God, not of me.

so often i fool myself into thinking that i have good intentions. good intentions that get derailed by sin. but really, sin is at the root of it it. i am not sure that even my intentions are good - unless God is at work i me through the Holy Spirit.

i think of myself as a good person. in fact, too often i think of myself as a great person. i am kind and caring and giving and generous. even loving at times. but come full circle, and what are my intentions in being so? i do it to win people's favor and affections. i do it pridefully so that others like me and think well of me. i am kind and caring and giving and generous...and even loving...for myself. not that i would otherwise intend harm or be mean to others - but i don't often do it purely out of love, Christ-like love, for others in order to glorify God and further His kingdom.

without Christ i don't even have good intentions. i am not great, or even good. i am just sinful nature with pride and selfish ambitions. i am thankful for grace and mercy and the chance to have life in Christ. i am thankful for the sacrifice He made for me, an utterly sinful being, so that i might live. not only that, i am thankful for the work of the Holy Spirit in me to help me grow and stretch and one day become holy because of Christ. i pray that my thankfulness and my realization of how sinful i am take over my life and be transformed.

You are good, You are good

when there's nothing good in me

You are love, You are love

on display for all to see

You are light, You are light

when the darkness closes in

You are hope, You are hope

You have covered all my sin

oh, i'm running to Your arms

i'm running to Your arms

the riches of Your love will always be enough

nothing compares to Your embrace

light of the world

forever reign

(forever reign - hillsong)

it always comes down to these three words: faith, hope, love. it always comes down to the work of the Trinity: Father, Son, Holy Spirit.