take my heart, i lay it down

at the feet of You whose crowned

take my life, i'm letting go

i lift it up to You whose throned

and i will worship You, Lord

only You, Lord

and i will bow down before You

only You, Lord

take my fret, take my fear

all i have, i'm leaving here

be all my hopes, be all my dreams

be all my delights, be my everything

and i will worship You, Lord

only You, Lord

and i will bow down before You

only You, Lord

and it's just You and me here now

only You and me here now

You should see the view

when it's only You

(only You - david crowder band)

sometimes God uses the most unexpected people, the most unexpected times and circumstances and situations, to grab a hold of our attention and speak to our heart. He uses those as his voice to speak to us in the time when we need it most. not necessarily when we want it, but when we need it. 

i went to youth group tonight not expecting a whole lot. not that i expected to be bored or disappointed, but just anticipated the "usual". i have to admit, i don't think my heart has always been in the right place when it comes to youth group and my serving in that role. but tonight, the unexpected came through to me at a time when i needed it to. 

trust. trust God. i don't always have the easiest time trusting people (though i have found that i often end up trusting the most random people), especially not with my life or my heart. sure, i could blame it on past experience. i could use psychology to explain why any certain experience may have led to my having difficulty with trust. most of them would be rational and understandable and justifiable. but i don't want to make excuses. we have to move on from any past hurts or betrayals or disappointments. we have to start new every day and not assume that what happened once will necessarily happen again. 

most of all, i need to know that i can (and should) trust God. i should trust Him always. i should trust Him first and foremost. most other relationships will let us down at one time or another. but God never will. God desires good for me. God desires my heart and my life - He desires me. most of the time, i only give him parts of it, or most of it. but that part that i try to hold onto is what hinders me. my desire to be in control actually causes my downfall. 

thank you, ben, for being so clear about what it means to trust God. thank you for being the voice to stir my heart into re-realizing that i need to give up everything and trust Him. 

i give up my life. i give Him my heart. i hand over my frets and fears. and all i am left to do is to worship and bow down to, to put my hope in a God who loves me and died for me. why wouldn't i trust in that? 

DIVINE ROMANCE - PHIL WICKHAM


the fullness of Your grace is here with me
the richness of Your beauty's all i see
the brightness of Your glory has arrived
in Your presence God, i'm completely satisfied


all for you, i sing i dance
rejoice in this divine romance
lift my heart and my hands
to show my love, to show my love


a deep deep flood, an ocean flows from You
of deep deep love, yeah it's filling up the room
Your innocent blood, has washed my guilty life 
in Your presence God, i'm completely satisfied 



all for you, i sing i dance
rejoice in this divine romance
lift my heart and my hands
to show my love, to show my love

God is my Shepherd

i won't be wanting

i won't be wanting

He makes me rest

in fields of green

with quiet streams

even though i walk

through the valley

of death and dying

i will not fear

'cause You are with me

You are with me

Your shepherd staff

comforts me

You are my feast

in the presence of enemy

surely goodness

will follow me

follow me

in the house of God, forever

(house of God, forever - jon foreman)

remember how i said i often have songs running through my head? well, this is the song of the week, it seems. i was at church early this week to fill in with greeting and welcoming, so i had the privilege of hearing the praise band not only lead it during worship but also rehearse it. it wasn't the first time i heard it but i do love it.

i have to be honest though. it was difficult for me to join in singing along with them. so i stood quietly, letting my heart and soul just absorb the words. 

i feel as though i have been walking through the valley lately. not of death and dying, but just of ongoing struggles and battles, mostly with myself. a part of me feels guilty to speak of any sort of valley, or to get emotional and mention "struggles", because when it comes down to it there is absolutely nothing "wrong" in my life right now. there is no family or friend tragedy. i am actually incredibly blessed in so many ways. but for whatever reason, my head and my heart (and therefore my soul) have been battling. against each other. with themselves. with others. the devil is very aware of my fragility and seems to be adding to it constantly. 

i try to fight it daily. but i cannot. the more i fight, the more i lose. thankfully, i have a God who is my Shepherd. 

it takes some serious breaking down to get someone as stubborn and independent as me to realize that only God can get me through. and He will get me through. He uses people close to me as His means of not only working on me, but also comforting me and reminding me of God's love. there is no need to fear. trust in God. 

this song also reminds me of God's faithfulness, which helps point me in the right direction. the night before my mom's operation to remove her cancer our Bible study recited psalm 23 together as a reminder of God's goodness and promise to walk with us. not only did the surgery go very well, her treatment with the most minimal side effects, but she is also healthy and strong and almost 5 years in remission. PTL. 

trust steadily in God. hope unswervingly. love extravagantly.