by your side.

i know that i promised photos, and i will get to that soon - maybe even this week. but for now, just some song lyrics. its a song by tenth avenue north called 'by your side' that the 8th graders of ECMS sang this past week at graduation...

BY YOUR SIDE

Why are you striving these days

Why are you trying to earn grace

Why are you crying

Let me lift up your face

Just don't turn away

Why are you looking for love

Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough

To where will you go child

Tell me where will you run

To where will you run

And I'll be by your side

Wherever you fall

In the dead of night

Whenever you call

And please don't fight

These hands that are holding you

My hands are holding you

Look at these hands and my side

They swallowed the grave on that night

When I drank the world's sin

So I could carry you in

And give you life

I want to give you life

Cause I, I love you

I want you to know

That I, I love you

I'll never let you go

side note.

my blog has almost no pictures remaining on my first page. i will fix that soon. be patient.

all things.

i spent the fall semester of my junior in kenya, east africa. (followed in my middle sister's footsteps - thank you kate for letting me share that experience) one of our weekend excursions was to climb mt. kenya. what an amazing adventure that was, to say the least. one of the things i remember is a friend of mine repeating "all things" throughout the trek, though most frequently at the more difficult and exhausting parts. "all things" being a phrase from paul's letter to the philippians in chapter 4:13. its a very familiar passage. in this case, it was a source of strength and inspiration and a reminder not to give up.

i am part of a bible study that has been looking at the book of philippians for past few months. it is full of a lot of familiar passages, but often read them with the same old eyes and heart and mind as always and interpret it as we always have. i know i do. philippians 4:13 in particular is often used as a verse of encouragement. we apply it to times when we have a goal that we want to accomplish and look to it for strength and focus. this past weeks study included this verse, "i can do everything (all things) through Him who gives me strength." one of our bible study members had a bible with a different translation. i wish i had the exact wording, but it said something like, i can do everything that He calls me to do through Him who gives me strength.

how often do we...no, how often do i decide what it is i want to do and then look to God to provide me with the strength to accomplish it? i think i am really quite good at it actually. and then in those times when i didn't feel strong, my mind immediately wonders where God was. i know i am not the only one to live this way - i think its a common mentality. sometimes i strive for things that God does not necessarily call me to, or intend for me. i've never felt very good at discerning what God's will is for me. sometimes i struggle with hearing other people's claim at God's will for them (when it seems like they use it for something they just want to do). but who am i to judge?

if you know me at all, you know that i have a hard time with this - what am i supposed to be doing? what job is God calling me to? right now i feel very little purpose for me in my job. but i am so tired of changing my mind, finding something new thinking that this is "it", only to feel empty a bit later. but the whole, try to have a positive attitude mentality isn't really working in my current situation anymore. i am trying to incorporate the two - "all things" and doing what He calls me to do.

(this got very random - as usual)

format.

i apologize for the format of the blog below. no matter how many times i changed it and it was correct in my draft, the published post shows up lacking spacing.

tangent.

let me begin with, more or less, a warning. the following blog will probably consist of several different thoughts and ideas, rather than one flowing "thesis" or theme.

i think its appropriate at this time of year (i hate to refer to it as that, a "time of year"...though i don't really like to term it as a "holiday" either) as we think about good friday and easter and what that means for us, that we think about forgiveness. the obvious example of forgiveness being that of our forgiveness for our sins, through the death of our Savior. but this example of ultimate forgiveness (and of course sacrifice) is one that should carry over into our lives - into our relationships with others. i recently heard something that really caught my attention. one of those things that i should obviously know, but i liked the reminder. i wish i could remember where i heard it so that i could quote it more accurately, but hopefully i can get the point across. they said that Christianity is more than forgiveness. it is a desire to change. in other words, its not an acceptance of things how they are, but a desire to strive for what ought to be.

so, on another note...i want to share with you a song that i've just recently become aware of. i've heard songs before on psalm 139, but this one has especially struck something inside of me. the words are central to it, but i find myself even more drawn to the "performance" of it on the cd i have that is put out by mars hill church in michigan. its written by aaron niequist but sung by a womans beautiful voice. let me share the words:

PSALM 139

search me, o God

and know my heart today

and test me and know all my thoughts.

show me, o God

the wickedness in me

and wash me and lead me to you.

so search me

and know me

and test me

and show me.

and wash me

and heal me

and hold me

and free me.

i need you

i need you

i love you

i need you.

search me, o God

and know my heart today

and test me and know all my thoughts.

show me, o God

the wickness is me

and wash me and lead me to you.

psalm 139 has become one of my favorite psalms, but also one of my favorite group of verses in the bible. i think we are often drawn to the comforting spirit of verses 7-10, for exampe. but do we always think about what is said at the end, verses 23-24, the verses that we see in the song above? for one, do we really want God to search us and know all our thoughts? but more than that, how many of us truly want to be tested?

so, have you heard about the concept of "empty calories"? i can remember my high school PE/health teacher talking about this idea - skittles being the example i recall. they are full of calories, but not of nutrients. (okay now i stop and wonder if my analogy is quite right here). now i am thinking about the concept of "empty words". lately i've been thinking about church and parts of worship and the like, and i've discussed litany and responsive readings with a few. let me begin by making a disclaimer - i am not against them, i have nothing against them. i think what it comes down to is something in me that is lacking. so i find that during worship services, when we do litanies and responsive readings, it can become like "empty words" for me. i become more focused on the physical reading of it, and less attentive to what is behind the words. i think this ties into what i was saying about psalm 139 - if i thought about what i was saying/reading, would i really mean them and say it as confidently?

with that being said, i listen to the song over and over again in my car (loudly mind you....so as to tune everything - and yes, sometimes that means that i make a turn or two that i didn't mean to, or miss a turn that i should have made) and let it be a prayer to the God whose hand is always there, waiting for ours to reach for Him.

(my apologies to anyone who expected pictures...and actually, this blog isn't at all what was being brainstormed in my head...but its what came out, nonetheless.)

coming soon...

much like my sister(s), i formulate blogs in my head before actually writing them. and just so you know, one is in the making. its just hard to compete with the photos and words of theirs. but i shall try.

25 things...

even though i already posted a note of "25 random thing" about me on facebook, since i haven't blogged in a while and feel overdue for a post, i think i will attempt another 25 things. its your choice to read or not. and since you are reading my blog, you know me, and may know some of these things...

1. i always took the whole "don't drink and drive" thing literally as a kid - was always appalled to see my parents take a sip or two (of non-alcoholic beverages) while at the wheel.
2. i don't like tomatoes on sandwiches or in things, but i like ketchup, tomato sauce, and salsa.
3. i get bloody noses somewhat often - in fact, in first grade, i got one randomly while we were sitting on the carpet. it wouldn't stop, so the nurse had my dad come pick me up.
4. i need a blanket or pillow or something to hold when i'm sitting on a couch. i don't know why, i just do.
5. i have never broken a boke or had stitches (aside from stitches when my wisdom teeth were pulled).
6. i had 6 wisdom teeth pulled at once...mostly people only ever have 4 wisdom teeth total.
7. i will often take more than one shower a day, for absolutely no other reason than enjoying its relaxation.
8. one of my favorite books i read in middle school was 'where the red fern grows.' i wanted to have an old dan and little ann of my own.
9. i subconsciously type in my head - i type what i say, i type what others say, i type what i hear on tv. not constantly, but most of the time.
10. i don't like coffee. i even tried to like it a few times. just can't do it.
11. i cried the first time i saw old yeller. (i remember going to sit on my dad's lap cause i was so upset...though it was more that lump in your throat type of upset)
12. i used to have bad dreams after watching shows like cops.
13. i like to listen to music in the shower, though i don't do it very often.
14. i wish i learned to play the piano.
15. i don't wake up well from naps, especially if they are too long - i get all sweaty and feel sick and delirious for a long while after.
16. i have a fear of snakes.
17. i tend to pass out / black out / not feel well at hospitals. visiting newborns and their parents are the exception to this.
18. i have yet to read the last harry potter book, even though i've read the rest and love the series.
19. i much prefer chocolate flavored things to vanilla...but will tolerate vanilla if its the only choice.
20. i rarely wear my hair down. (i know, big shocker)
21. if you make me laugh while i am drinking, i will end up spitting it out all over.
22. i used to be really good at memorizing numbers, phone numbers in general, until cell phones came along and remember it all for us.
23. i used to climb out of my crib to play basketball instead of napping - i had a basketball hoop on the door closet.
24. my family called me "boomer" growing up - apparently it was for my tom-boyish, "hardy" (tough) outgoingness.
25. i've never seen 'back to the future' or 'star wars'.