to my 'lil mango...

today i want to tell you just a little bit about someone very special to me...your daddy.

the first and most important thing that you should know about him is that he loves Jesus, me (your mommy), and you all VERY much. you might already know this because you already have little ears that can hear. you probably feel his gentle and warm hands on my belly and hear him tell you that he loves you. if you can hear that, then you probably also hear him praying over mommy and praying for you. the most important thing that he wants for you is not that you be the best at sports, or the smartest in your class, or the funniest or most popular. all he (and i) want for you is for you to know that Jesus loves you, and for you to love Jesus. even if you don't hear or understand those words and prayers now, you will. they are his prayer for you every day.

not only does daddy love to pray for you and to thank God for you, but he loves to sing. he has a beautiful voice that is often lifting up praise to God. actually, i will tell you a secret - daddy's voice is my favorite voice...speaking or singing. very early on in our relationship daddy had the wisdom to start praying and singing with me, and it's something we try to do every day together.

i found out about you before daddy did. when he came home from his saturday afternoon of playing paintball with friends, i had a card for him at dinner. i told him how much i loved him and how proud of him i am. i told him that he is a wonderful husband and that in the spring he would become a fabulous father. i will never forget that night. he was shocked and kept asking me if it was true..."really?...really?" his first thoughts were to get me started on pre-natal vitamins so that you can grow strong and healthy. he researched a bit (something else your daddy is very good at) what vitamins we needed to look for and then hopped in the car to head to the vitamin shoppe. my favorite part of that drive was the look on your dad's face as he drove. he had a constant grin and look of contentment and joy that made me smile and my heart happy.

daddy came to the first doctor's appointments and has come to some other key one's as well. the very first time we had an ultrasound done, he let out a sweet sound of excitement when he first saw your heart beating. at your 20 week ultrasound, i could barely get his attention cause his eyes were so fixed on the screen watching as the ultrasound tech looked at each and every part of your body. he was much much better than mommy at knowing what we were looking at - your brain, your heart, your legs, your spine. daddy was pretty disappointed when they made him look away at the screen to see if you are a boy or a girl, because he was sure he would be able to tell. a few weeks before he learned how to tell the difference and wanted to be able to distinguish whether he saw a turtle or a hamburger. he will have to wait!

i can bet that you will love being held in your daddy's arms. he is so strong and warm, yet so gentle and sweet. i love his hugs and his cuddles. the rest of the world disappears, as does every fear and worry. when he holds you, you will know that everything is okay. he will make you feel better when you cry. he will comfort you with his kind words - especially with his love, and of course remind you always of God's love.

if you are like mommy, you will miss him when he isn't home. because he is what makes it feel like home. of course our house is warm and nice and is where i belong. but it's not the same when he isn't there. he will have to work, sometimes more hours than we want. he will have meetings for church. he will go to the gym, or to a friend's or family's house. even though we will miss him, we will know that he does all of these things for us and to serve God. sometimes mommy forgets that for a little while, but deep down i know that he is always being the best man that he can be and doing what God wants him to do. we are so very proud of him for that.

daddy will make you laugh. he will spend time with you. he will take care of you when you are sick or hurt. he will do sweet things for you because he loves you and he cares about you. this morning daddy surprised me with "breakfast in bed." when i opened my eyes, he was walking to my side of the bed holding a basket/tray that had my favorite breakfast in it - a bowl of honey bunches of oats. and of course a glass of water on the side because he knows how dry and thirsty i get, especially when i am sick. and along with the breakfast, he gave me a single pink rose. beautiful and so sweet. he loves your mommy very much.

i could go on and on about him, but you will learn it all on your own over time. just know that your daddy, mommy, and Jesus love you very much.

(i think that in this 20 week ultrasound photo, you are holding your hand up to your mouth to tell us a secret...that you love us too).

a year in review...

this past monday (the 11th) marked jason and my one year wedding anniversary. it's hard to believe. sometimes it feels like much longer, sometimes it feels like just yesterday. it's been a full and busy year. here is a bit of a year in review, just some main things...

february 11 - wedding day!!
february 13 - costa rica honeymoon
march 23 - my 30th birthday (dinner with jay and then surprised with ice skating and cheesecake factory with family)
march 24 - jay completes his first (and only?) half marathon
march 31 - dad (schuurman)'s 60th birthday and ocean city weekend
april 11 - my first day of work at paul keyes associates (first day working after being unemployed and/or in school for 17 months)
may 5 - jay's 33rd birthday
july 27-30 - long weekend vacation with the schuurman family at lake george
september 3 - first annual labor day picnic in the park
september 8 - after taking a test, i share with jay that he is not only a wonderful husband, but will be a fantastic father in the spring :)
september 14/16 - siblings weekend in baltimore
september 19 - dr. levine confirms our pregnancy :)
september 26 - we see our baby and hear it's heartbeat for the first ultrasound
september 27 - jay announces during prayer at the Formicola family dinner that they will be grandparents
september 29 - we ask kate to possibly share her birthday with her new niece/nephew
october 10 - we celebrate mom being cancer free for 5 years!
october 15 - we hear our baby's heart beat for the first time
october 21 - jay officially becomes a deacon of savior community church; jill becomes a member
october 29-november 2 - hurricane irene: branch falls on our car; jill is hit on the parkway by a utility truck
december 13 - 20 week ultrasound!!
december 15/16 - mom (schuurman)'s 60th birthday weekend celebrations
december 21 - jay finds out officially that he is being promoted at kamson corporation to the director of training!
january 3-6 - we celebrate and enjoy a long weekend together at sweetwater farm in glen mills, pennsylvania
january 7 - jay begins his new position at kamson
february 8 - bloodwork comes back that all is well and i do not have gestational diabetes

Praise God from whom ALL blessings flow!!

that's all i have to say about that.

a bit of a cop-out...

i am well aware that i am overdue for a new blog post. it's coming, i promise. but for today i just want to share a song:

Jesus, I My Cross Have Taken

Jesus, I my cross have taken,

all to leave and follow Thee.

destitute, despised, forsaken, 

thou from hence my all shall be.

perish every fond ambition,

all I've sought or hoped or known.

yet how rich is my condition!

God and heaven are still my own.

Let the world despite and leave me,

they have left my Savior too.

hearts and looks deceive me;

Thou art not, like them, untrue.

o while Thou dost smile upon me,

God of wisdom, love and might,

foes may hate and friends disown me,

show Thy face and all is bright.

Man may trouble and distress me,

'twill but drive me to Thy breast.

life with trials hard may press me,

Heaven will bring me sweeter rest.

oh, 'tis not in grief to harm me

while Thy love is left to me;

oh, 'twere not in joy to charm me,

were that joy unmixed with Thee.

Go, then, early fame and treasure, 

come disaster, scorn and pain

in Thy service, pain is pleasure,

with Thy favor, loss is gain.

i have called Thee Abba Father,

i have stayed my heart on Thee.

storms may howl, and clouds may gather;

all must work for good to me.

Soul, then know thy full salvation,

rise o'er sin and fear and care

joy to find in every station,

something still to do or bear.

think what Spirit dwells within thee,

think what Father's smiles are thine,

think what Jesus died to win thee,

child of Heaven, canst thou repine.

Haste thee on from grace to glory,

armed by faith, and winged by prayer.

Heaven's eternal days before thee,

God's own hand shall guide us there.

soon shall close thy earthly mission,

soon shall pass thy pilgrim days,

hope shall change to glad fruition,

faith to sight and prayer to praise.

honey rock landscape design...

"But he would feed you with the finest of the wheat, 

and with honey from the rock I would satisfy you." 

Psalm 81:16

it's official, people. we have a certified trade name. you guessed it, Honey Rock Landscape Design. i feel it necessary to credit a few people for the name. it was my husband who mentioned it as a business name. tim keller brought it to his attention in his sermon called 'Honey from the Rock' in his discipline series. keller is of course referencing the psalm, which speaks to God's provisions in our life. there is more to be done in the establishing of the company. mostly, more work needs to be acquired. but here is a bit of what we have done...

we are thankful for the vitiello's, our first customers. the potted plants for their backyard deck was the second job they gave me. first we did a landscape planting in their front yard. some before, during, and after's...

summer is flying by?

the conversation began with me commenting to jay that it seems too early for the kids to be done with school. sorry guys, it's not that i don't want summer vacation for you, it just seems like it came quickly. in my mind, it should be another two or three weeks. i think it has something to do with the odd spring we have had. the strange weather. warm march. no rain in april. very rainy may. and now june is about halfway over.

a woman at jay's work said something about how she can't believe how quickly summer is flying by. summer hasn't even started yet, lady. slow down!

summer doesn't really change things for us, technically. it is more of a mental thing. i think when it comes down to it, we both enjoy spring, summer and fall more than winter. don't get me wrong, i do love some of winter. february 11th in particular.

i have a list in my notebook at work of things i want to do/accomplish this summer. don't worry, it doesn't distract me from my work. it is there for me to quickly jot an idea down when it comes to mind. i don't have it in front of me, but i know it looks something like this...

lake george (last weekend in july with the family)
ocean grove (first weekend in july, to celebrate george and anna's wedding)
baltimore (dates to be determined)
sussex county fair
warwick drive in movie theater
boardwalk
mohonk mountain house - rock scrambling
camping/kayaking trips
nj jackals or ny mets baseball game
bbq at a park (one with grills on site, picnic style)
nyc
carnival (we missed the gsp dare carnival, but i am sure there will be more)

i know there is more, but i am coming up blank at the moment. on top of those trips or outings i have several other things i want to accomplish. mostly pertaining to the house. our back room desperately needs unpacking, recyling of boxes, throwing away of unneeded items, organizing, decorating, etc. i also want to do some work in the kitchen - i simply need more space for food and such. i want to attack the blinds/curtains, primarily the living room and bathroom. of course i would love to purchase a new tv stand, and perhaps that will be done, but i have to keep priorities in mind and consider costs. i suppose i should get more of my stuff from my parents, too, huh? not until i have this place a little more under control.

so who wants to join me in these activities?

take my heart, i lay it down

at the feet of You whose crowned

take my life, i'm letting go

i lift it up to You whose throned

and i will worship You, Lord

only You, Lord

and i will bow down before You

only You, Lord

take my fret, take my fear

all i have, i'm leaving here

be all my hopes, be all my dreams

be all my delights, be my everything

and i will worship You, Lord

only You, Lord

and i will bow down before You

only You, Lord

and it's just You and me here now

only You and me here now

You should see the view

when it's only You

(only You - david crowder band)

sometimes God uses the most unexpected people, the most unexpected times and circumstances and situations, to grab a hold of our attention and speak to our heart. He uses those as his voice to speak to us in the time when we need it most. not necessarily when we want it, but when we need it. 

i went to youth group tonight not expecting a whole lot. not that i expected to be bored or disappointed, but just anticipated the "usual". i have to admit, i don't think my heart has always been in the right place when it comes to youth group and my serving in that role. but tonight, the unexpected came through to me at a time when i needed it to. 

trust. trust God. i don't always have the easiest time trusting people (though i have found that i often end up trusting the most random people), especially not with my life or my heart. sure, i could blame it on past experience. i could use psychology to explain why any certain experience may have led to my having difficulty with trust. most of them would be rational and understandable and justifiable. but i don't want to make excuses. we have to move on from any past hurts or betrayals or disappointments. we have to start new every day and not assume that what happened once will necessarily happen again. 

most of all, i need to know that i can (and should) trust God. i should trust Him always. i should trust Him first and foremost. most other relationships will let us down at one time or another. but God never will. God desires good for me. God desires my heart and my life - He desires me. most of the time, i only give him parts of it, or most of it. but that part that i try to hold onto is what hinders me. my desire to be in control actually causes my downfall. 

thank you, ben, for being so clear about what it means to trust God. thank you for being the voice to stir my heart into re-realizing that i need to give up everything and trust Him. 

i give up my life. i give Him my heart. i hand over my frets and fears. and all i am left to do is to worship and bow down to, to put my hope in a God who loves me and died for me. why wouldn't i trust in that? 

DIVINE ROMANCE - PHIL WICKHAM


the fullness of Your grace is here with me
the richness of Your beauty's all i see
the brightness of Your glory has arrived
in Your presence God, i'm completely satisfied


all for you, i sing i dance
rejoice in this divine romance
lift my heart and my hands
to show my love, to show my love


a deep deep flood, an ocean flows from You
of deep deep love, yeah it's filling up the room
Your innocent blood, has washed my guilty life 
in Your presence God, i'm completely satisfied 



all for you, i sing i dance
rejoice in this divine romance
lift my heart and my hands
to show my love, to show my love