just Jill.

11 September 2013

Lord, I need You

LORD, I NEED YOU

matt maher

Lord, i come, i confess

bowing here i find my rest

without You i fall apart

you're the One that guides my heart

Lord, i need You, oh, i need You

every hour i need You

my one defense, my righteousness

oh God, how i need You

where sin runs deep Your grace is more

where grace is found is where You are

and where You are, Lord, i am free

holiness is Christ in me

Lord, i need You, oh, i need You

every hour i need You

my one defense, my righteousness

oh God, how i need You

teach my song to rise to You

when temptation comes my way

and when i cannot stand i'll fall on You

Jesus, You're my hope and stay

Lord, i need You, oh, i need You

every hour i need You

my one defense, my righteousness

oh God, how i need You

10 September 2013

this is actually an old photo. two summer's ago i think...but i like it. it was a beautiful location that i would really like to go back to. you can't tell from here but the water was a deep navy blue shade. surrounded by the greenery of trees. not a house in site...that i remember. beautiful.

in one minute, out the next.

i think i need to do some brain and memory exercises. it seems that my "baby brain" is not so much a temporary situation after all. i have thoughts that pop into my head and before i can even get them out - written or spoken - they slip through some crack into the depths of forgottenness. once in a while i can pull them back out but most of the time they are just gone. for example, i had a great blog post idea just minutes ago while i was walking around the house getting ready to sit down at the computer. now that i have emptied my bladder, grabbed the computer, plugged it in to charge and sat down, the idea is gone. so i will continue to blog...about nothing at all.

feelings are very temporary, overall. just a few months ago (four to be exact) i remember feeling like nothing would ever go back to "normal." okay, in a lot of ways they won't go back to normal. it's a new normal. i remember nights of her sleeping on me on the couch (not all night...but several hours) and thinking that i might never get to sleep in bed with jay again. well, we passed that stage. pretty quickly i might add. she has been sleeping in her crib for weeks now. and she has slept through the night at least 5-10 times now. i also remember feeling like each day was random and unpredictable. now, we have quite a decent daily routine and even weekly. i have to remind myself each time i get a undesirable feeling that it is just temporary and soon will be a thing of the past. even the pain and soreness that i feel as a result of pumping milk for grace, will someday be but a memory...

because this post has quickly become very random, i will continue with my non-connected thoughts. september has become another favorite month. may and september are two of the most pleasant months of the year in my book. the weather is still warm, but not typically as humid and uncomfortable as the main summer months (though folks, let's remember that summer technically goes until the 21st). okay, it might just be that this september is one of my favorites. clearly may was a favorite - my sweet grace entered the world that month. and now that i think of it, i have been inside the majority of the past three days of september. and they happen to be hotter days of the month so far. but still. i like september.

that is all for now. maybe i will remember what i was originally going to write about. maybe.

13 August 2013

like mother, like daughter.

over the past few weeks we have done some significant driving. especially for having a now 3-month old. not knowing for sure how she would be (but pretty sure she would be okay) we ventured on the 750 mile trip to michigan for drew's wedding. and the very next weekend we headed out for another 260 mile ride to cape cod. (as an aside, she did great!) with all of this time on my hands i found myself frequently lost in thought as i gazed out the window. i began noticing all of the landscape around us - the trees, the grasses, the wildflowers. and i found myself wanting to point them out to and share them with grace. too young to understand me, let alone appreciate, i could have pointed them out to jay. but he actually beat me to it - queen anne's lace. he already knew because i had already shown it to him in the past. he even added, your mom loves those. yes she does. and now so do i. and hopefully, so will grace.

there are a million examples of how my mom's joys and interests and loves have filtered down to me (and my sisters). classical music. simplicity. walks. flowers. the list could go on and on. now i realize how much i appreciate all of these things. and i cannot wait to share them all with grace. i'm sure nan will share them with her too.

05 August 2013

i'm a nerdy mom.

i recall being called a nerdy newlywed not that long ago. the label was assigned because i didn't want to be away from jay for more than one night for our girl's (craft) weekend in ocean city. what can i say? i enjoy being with my husband and miss him after very little time apart. i am proud of my nerdyness.

well, today i am labeling myself. i am a nerdy mom. today (pretty much most of the day) my brain has been thinking about grace - things to do with her, traditions, gifts, etc.. i think this brainstorming was stirred by seeing a photo someone took while they were at a hot air balloon festival. immediately i thought to myself, i want to take grace to one. i have gone a couple of times to one in central jersey growing up.

so that's where my head has been today. i have even begun composing a list - a draft in my email - of such things. am i a nerd? yes. but i am just so excited to be grace's mom and to be able to do these things with her as a family. i shared with jay the beginnings of my "idea" last night on our walk to get sushi and pizza (yes, you read that right). he liked it. that's all that matters. i am proud to be a nerdy mom.

16 July 2013

sleeping beauty.

maybe every child is like this at 2 months old. maybe they all sleep the same. i remember my nephew alex sleeping in a similar way, but i don't think that they all do. some like to be on their sides. some like to be on the stomachs (but that, we know, is a big no-no). some like to be swaddled. in fact, we tried swaddling grace a few times for bed. any loosely swaddled position quickly got kicked out of and her arms free. so i used the new fancy swaddle blankets, that use velcro and are nearly impossible to escape. i got the sense she didn't like it, at least not for more than a couple of hours. a couple of hours is not a night of sleep for me. so we began working on new routines.

i am happy to say that last night was the second night that she slept the whole night. 9:45 (a little later than normal because our bath got delayed) to 6:30. okay, i will confess that she stirred at 1:15. but all she needed was the soothie back in her mouth and she was good to go! no getting up. no feeding. back to sleep for another several hours.

what i have learned is that more often than not grace needs to be in her favorite sleep position, or something close to it. arms up, legs spread. her head typically to the right. the carseat, as you will see, is a different story. it is pretty impossible, or at least very uncomfortable, to get her desired sleep position. so she has a position all its own for the car. head still to the side. legs still spread (as forced by the buckles). but hands down by her side and under her butt.

now, there is an added dimension. you will see in the second to last photo, she likes to hold (pull) her hair with her left hand. i am starting to wonder if she didn't do that in utero. maybe that's why some of the hair on that side of the head not only curls, but sticks up and does what it wants. because it has been pulled on for months!

here she is, our sleeping beauty...