God is my Shepherd

i won't be wanting

i won't be wanting

He makes me rest

in fields of green

with quiet streams

even though i walk

through the valley

of death and dying

i will not fear

'cause You are with me

You are with me

Your shepherd staff

comforts me

You are my feast

in the presence of enemy

surely goodness

will follow me

follow me

in the house of God, forever

(house of God, forever - jon foreman)

remember how i said i often have songs running through my head? well, this is the song of the week, it seems. i was at church early this week to fill in with greeting and welcoming, so i had the privilege of hearing the praise band not only lead it during worship but also rehearse it. it wasn't the first time i heard it but i do love it.

i have to be honest though. it was difficult for me to join in singing along with them. so i stood quietly, letting my heart and soul just absorb the words. 

i feel as though i have been walking through the valley lately. not of death and dying, but just of ongoing struggles and battles, mostly with myself. a part of me feels guilty to speak of any sort of valley, or to get emotional and mention "struggles", because when it comes down to it there is absolutely nothing "wrong" in my life right now. there is no family or friend tragedy. i am actually incredibly blessed in so many ways. but for whatever reason, my head and my heart (and therefore my soul) have been battling. against each other. with themselves. with others. the devil is very aware of my fragility and seems to be adding to it constantly. 

i try to fight it daily. but i cannot. the more i fight, the more i lose. thankfully, i have a God who is my Shepherd. 

it takes some serious breaking down to get someone as stubborn and independent as me to realize that only God can get me through. and He will get me through. He uses people close to me as His means of not only working on me, but also comforting me and reminding me of God's love. there is no need to fear. trust in God. 

this song also reminds me of God's faithfulness, which helps point me in the right direction. the night before my mom's operation to remove her cancer our Bible study recited psalm 23 together as a reminder of God's goodness and promise to walk with us. not only did the surgery go very well, her treatment with the most minimal side effects, but she is also healthy and strong and almost 5 years in remission. PTL. 

trust steadily in God. hope unswervingly. love extravagantly.