31 March 2010 / 1 April 2010
After one day of transition, I am forced to dive back into reality today. I am not ready. I cannot function quite yet – I almost feel as though I am “sick”. In a lot of ways my transition back to the United States after five months in Kenya was easier than this – I had more time to adjust, more time to process. It’s amazing what eleven days can do. As excited as I am to see family and friends again and to share about our experience in Ghana, in some ways I feel like I am grieving. There is a part of me, a part of my heart, which is still in Ghana.
As hard as it is right now to even begin to think about attempting to share about our trip I know that it is such an important part of adjusting. For one, I can barely figure out how to put any of it into words. I know a lot of people asking about the trip will be perfectly content with hearing a day to day report of what we did – I can give those simple answers. However, I am not content with basic responses. It is much more complicated than that. For now though, I am not sure how to express the deeper layers of emotions. I have friends and/or family asking me various questions about the trip - questions that seem very basic and straightforward, but questions that I can’t seem to answer. I feel bad because I know those who are asking are genuinely interested and care deeply about me but also our mission there. Yet here I am, speechless. At first I could use the explanation of being jetlagged and still recovering from time change and lack of sleep, but eventually those excuses will run out. One of the problems is that I have so much to say and I don’t know where to start. But even more difficult is figuring out how to communicate all that I saw and experienced and felt and learned to someone who has no understanding of it at all, no matter how hard they try or how much they desire to listen. My instinct is to fall back on my Ghana team.
The team has become family to me. I think that the bond is even stronger now than it was while we were there in Ghana. There is a comfort in knowing that they get it. Without even saying anything I can walk up to any of them, give them a hug or even just an exchange of looks, and know that there is an understanding between us. It goes far deeper than just inside jokes or shared experiences. For 11 days we travelled together and served together – God became more real than any of us could have imagined. Each day we offered ourselves as God’s servants and saw that ALL THINGS are possible through Him who strengthens us. Ghana showed us faith, hope, and love.
I offer the words of Paul as a prayer for my team: “I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge - that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.” (Ephesians 3:16-21)
After one day of transition, I am forced to dive back into reality today. I am not ready. I cannot function quite yet – I almost feel as though I am “sick”. In a lot of ways my transition back to the United States after five months in Kenya was easier than this – I had more time to adjust, more time to process. It’s amazing what eleven days can do. As excited as I am to see family and friends again and to share about our experience in Ghana, in some ways I feel like I am grieving. There is a part of me, a part of my heart, which is still in Ghana.
As hard as it is right now to even begin to think about attempting to share about our trip I know that it is such an important part of adjusting. For one, I can barely figure out how to put any of it into words. I know a lot of people asking about the trip will be perfectly content with hearing a day to day report of what we did – I can give those simple answers. However, I am not content with basic responses. It is much more complicated than that. For now though, I am not sure how to express the deeper layers of emotions. I have friends and/or family asking me various questions about the trip - questions that seem very basic and straightforward, but questions that I can’t seem to answer. I feel bad because I know those who are asking are genuinely interested and care deeply about me but also our mission there. Yet here I am, speechless. At first I could use the explanation of being jetlagged and still recovering from time change and lack of sleep, but eventually those excuses will run out. One of the problems is that I have so much to say and I don’t know where to start. But even more difficult is figuring out how to communicate all that I saw and experienced and felt and learned to someone who has no understanding of it at all, no matter how hard they try or how much they desire to listen. My instinct is to fall back on my Ghana team.
The team has become family to me. I think that the bond is even stronger now than it was while we were there in Ghana. There is a comfort in knowing that they get it. Without even saying anything I can walk up to any of them, give them a hug or even just an exchange of looks, and know that there is an understanding between us. It goes far deeper than just inside jokes or shared experiences. For 11 days we travelled together and served together – God became more real than any of us could have imagined. Each day we offered ourselves as God’s servants and saw that ALL THINGS are possible through Him who strengthens us. Ghana showed us faith, hope, and love.
I offer the words of Paul as a prayer for my team: “I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge - that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.” (Ephesians 3:16-21)
3 comments:
that is one of my favorite verses and i used to use it all the time in notes to students.
just allow yourself to adjust and transition -- be patient and just allow things to settle. and in that time, seeds that have been planted will continue to grow, and when you feel like it, you can slowly begin picking the growth and sharing it with others. you don't always have to use spoken words to do this -- you have the gift of writing, so use that.
i know that we have only heard the surface stories -- and i am not good at pressing for more -- but the rest of the story will come out in your every day life. just let it soak there for a little while.
we love aunt jill.
AMEN to both my sisters. Jill your words are beautiful and you are right, we will never fully understand what you experienced. I wish I could have experienced something as wonderful as Ghana.
But like Kate so wonderfully put it, be patient and allow things to settle, for words to organize in your head, and for your heart to continue to grasp what God has been teaching you.
With deepest pride,
Liesl
Just allow God to speak through you. I know each and every one of those pictures has a story. Use them to tell the love of our risen Lord.
Post a Comment