day 20: grow up

"we have much to say about this, but it is hard to explain because you are slow to learn. in fact, though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you the elementary truths of God's word all over again. you need milk, not solid food!"

hebrews 5:11-12

i am not the type to get mad easily. but i am somewhat sensitive. if someone acts like i am stupid, talks to me like i am stupid, treats me like i am stupid, you will most likely see my blood begin to boil, my face turn red. it is not a stubbornness or a refusal to be wrong but a sensitive reaction to my feeling like the other person thinks less of me and my abilities or my intellect (i am sure pride has something to do with it). i can only imagine how i would react if someone told me, "you are slow to learn...you need milk, not solid food". the person treating me like i am stupid may be wrong (though my reaction may not be appropriate either). but what if the "slow to learn" statement has nothing to do with intellect but instead reflects me spiritually?

i have been a Christian for 29 years. okay, i wasn't born with faith and knowledge of sin and my need for Jesus, but i was raised in a Christian home. i went to sunday school and catechism, faithfully attended church and youth group. i even went to a Christian school. imagine i have studied a subject for 29 years. after that many years, i should be an expert at even the most difficult subjects, right? in most cases, four years of college earns you a bachelors degree in an area of study. maybe not quite an expert at that point, but certainly experienced and knowledgeable. 29 years as a Christian - am i where i should be?

david nasser tells a story about an encounter he had with his wife on his honeymoon to london. they came upon two men having a conversation that they overheard. it became apparent that the one man was muslim and the other christian. david was a muslim that converted to christianity, so obviously he felt like he was in a good place to approach these men. with his wife proudly supporting him, he used verses and passages of Scripture that he had learned. he felt good. but suddenly the muslim who had been quoting the koran, began to quote the Bible too, using it to try to prove them wrong. he knew more than the three Christians combined (david, his wife, and the other Christian man). david admits to feeling ashamed and spiritually illiterate, recognizing his need to grow up in biblical knowledge.

david was a new Christian and felt ashamed at this encounter. if i had been there, how much more ashamed would and should i feel given my life-long Christian journey?!

our culture, even our Christian culture, values and recognizes the importance of growth. if we have a young child and they seem to stop growing or not be growing at the rate that they should, we become worried and bring them to the doctor to see what could possibly be wrong. same things for intellectual and cognitive growth. a child doesn't seem to be keeping up with the expected growth that their classmates are making, do they have a learning disability? why are we not as concerned with our spiritual and faith growth? do we become content with drinking milk instead of eating solid foods?

peter points out the importance of diligence in the faith. he wrote 2 peters to people who were facing false teachers. it was essential for them to remain diligent, but it is equally essential for us today. "in your faith supply moral excellence, and in your moral excellence, knowledge, and in your knowledge, self control, and in your self control, perseverance, and i your perseverance, godliness, and in your godliness, brotherly kindness, and in your brotherly kindness, love." (2 peter 1:5-7)

if we truly understood and had complete gratitude for the cross, would we settle for drinking milk?

Lord, forgive me for being content with a stagnant and static faith. as i get upset by someone who suggests intellectual stupidity, make me upset by my spiritual illiteracy. i yearn for solid food of knowledge, self control, perseverance, godliness, kindness and love.

day 19: "God-and"

"but i am afraid that just as eve was deceived by the serpent's cunning, your mind may somehow be led astray from your sincere and pure devotion to Christ."

2 corinthians 11:3

are there parts of the bible that seem repetitive? does it ever seem like the apostle paul writes similar letters over and over again to even the same people? even Jesus told parables and presented teachings that said the same thing over again, sometimes just in different words. just like the disciples whom jesus taught, the people whom paul wrote letters to, we need to be reminded over and over again. we don't get it the first time. we forget or get distracted and end up exactly where we started.

this chapter, "God-and" seems to reiterate what david nasser mentioned in previous chapters. good thing, cause i don't always get it the first time. i forget and/or old habits creep up.

i am an incredibly self-centered person. i focus on my wants and my needs and my goals and my dreams and my time and my everything else. if i want to follow Jesus, this must die and it must die very hard. unfortunately our culture and even some Christian churches and and speakers teach a selfish gospel (not gospel with a capital g, because it is not the gospel if it is about self). if you trust God, if you walk with Jesus, if you believe, if you have faith, if you do this and that, you will experience success, peace, wealth, rest, etc. the problem with that gospel is that when we don't get what we expect - when we don't feel as "blessed" - we question God and His promises.

i am incredibly blessed. the blessings themselves are not bad. "the problem is when those blessings climb up to the center of our hearts and compete with Jesus for our affections." is Jesus my goal, or is it the blessings? do i use these blessings to draw closer to Jesus or do i allow selfishness to grow? it is kind of like opening a bag of chips - you can't eat just one. i receive all sorts of physical and spiritual gifts, yet i want more. if i have this, then i could serve better.

nasser offers four ways to tell if we are selfish and want things too much. first, what do we pray about? i tend to use God to get what i want, more of God's blessings. i should be praying like paul, who "asks for insight into the depths of God's love, for wisdom to know his will, and the strength to carry it out." secondly, how do we respond when someone has more than we do? i know that on more than one occasion i have looked at others and thought to myself, they don't deserve that. oddly, i seem to think that i do deserve it. lust, envy, and jealousy are rooted in selfishness. why can't i be happy for that person? third, do we get angry when God doesn't give us what we want? when i don't get what i want and ask God for, or when something i have and value is taken away, i get angry and frustrated. fourth and last, do we feel sorry for ourselves when God's doesn't come through the way we wanted? i convince myself that God doesn't care about me, disappointed that He allowed it. i should be asking God what he wants to teach me.

Lord, forgive me for being so self-centered and for using you for blessings. help me to kill selfish thinking and selfish desires so that i may serve you by putting others first. this life is not mine, but yours. use it to glorify you.

day 18: the cross: are you beyond it?

"for God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."

john 3:16

Savior i come, quiet my soul

remember, redemption's hill

where Your blood was spilled

for my ransom

everything i once held dear

i count it all as loss

lead me to the Cross where Your loved poured out

bring me to my knees, Lord, i lay me down

rid me of myself, i belong to You

oh, lead me, lead me to the Cross

You were as i, tempted and tried

human, the word became flesh

bore my sin and death

now you're risen

everything i once held dear

i count it all as loss

lead me to the Cross where Your loved poured out

bring me to my knees, Lord, i lay me down

rid me of myself, i belong to You

oh, lead me

to your heart

to your heart

lead me to your heart

lead me to your heart

lead me to the Cross where Your loved poured out

bring me to my knees, Lord, i lay me down

rid me of myself, i belong to You

oh, lead me, lead me to the Cross

('lead me to the cross', by hillsong)

ever heard someone say that we need to go beyond the cross? what does that mean, what does that look like? i understand that we may need to go deeper, but i dare to think that going "beyond" the cross is risky. if i go beyond it, i tend to forget about it. i make my own way for salvation. quite the opposite, i need to be reminded of the cross each and every day.

the cross is a popular, if not the most popular, symbol. crosses become tattoos and jewelry. is there anything wrong with that? just like anything else i think the danger comes in when it becomes to familiar and meaning is lost. "we wear silver crosses as jewelry, but we've forgotten about the real blood on the real wood of Jesus' cross." maybe it would help me if i wore a cross every day. if each morning i went through the routine of placing it around my neck. maybe then i would think about the cross outside of the lent season, more than on good friday and easter sunday.

the cross should shape every part of my life - my identity, my motivations, my goals, my desires, my relationships.

Lord, lead me to the cross. bring me to my knees. rid me of myself.

day 17: the crucible of choice

"going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, 'my Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. yet not as i will, but as you will...' he went away a second time and prayed, 'my Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless i drink it, may your will be done.'"

matthew 26:39,42

i think we (and by we, i mean i) tend to put a sugar coating on the crucifixion of Jesus. we get this idea in our head that because it was Jesus who faced betrayal, suffering, death on a cross, and separation from God the Father, that it was easier for him because he is Jesus, the son of God. therefore he has immeasurable strength and power and ability to endure. the reality is that Jesus agonized that evening in the garden of gethsemane. He struggled. He wrestled with God. He knew what was coming and He wanted out. Jesus experienced a collision of his will against God's. in fact, Jesus asked the Father to take the cup from Him.

Jesus didn't make excuses like moses, or run away from God like jonah did. despite the agony and his request for a "plan B", Jesus was willing to go through with what he knew was the only way. in matthew's account of Jesus in the garden of gethsemane, Jesus prays to God three times. the first time he asks for the cup to be taken from him, though of course willing to follow God's willing. the next two times, he tells the Father that he will drink the cup. God's will be done.

what if Jesus had made an excuse? what if Jesus came up with his own plan of salvation for the world, a plan B? his disobedience to his Father would certainly have a consequence that would effect you and me. we would have no hope. we would face death and pay the price of our sins.

God has a plan and a will for each of us - part of a giant plan for His kingdom. what if we always make excuses? what if we always come up with another way, our plan B? who will pay the consequence of that disobedience? i don't think it would only have an effect on us. i dare to think that it effects even the people that God wants to use us to serve.

Jesus suffered beyond what any of us can imagine. He endured pain beyond what any of us will ever be asked to endure. Jesus agonized and yet he did it obediently, all for love.

all for love a Father gave

for only love could make a way

all for love heaven cried

for love was crucified

oh, how many times have i broken Your heart

but still You forgive, if only i ask

and how many times have You heard me pray

drawn near to me

everything i need is You

my beginning, my forever

everything i need is You

let me sing all for love

i will join the angel song

ever holy is the Lord

King of Glory, King of all

all for love a Savior prayed

Abba Father have your way

though they know not what they do

let the cross draw man to you

('all for love', hillsong)

Jesus, thank you for enduring the agony of the cross. thank you for loving to the point of obedience, even to death. thank you for suffering for my sins. through your example, show me how to be obedient to God's will, that i may not make excuses or other plans. let me sing, all for love.

day 16: God's curriculum

"consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

james 1:2-4

david nasser compares our faith journey with God to an education, with God's curriculum in a school of faith. unlike the academic education we receive, God knows what each of us needs and adjusts the course to fit each of us. sometimes the curriculum is very different from what we want. we enjoy recess and hanging out with friends, not tests. "His purpose is for us to enjoy him as he builds our faith. not to bring success, but to build our faith. not to make us happy, but to build our faith. not to provide wonderful friends, but to build our faith. not to make us comfortable, but to build our faith." it sounds pretty clear. the end goal, the "degree", is to have a well-built faith that prepares us for a career in knowing and serving him.

as i pointed out yesterday, God gives us tests. sometimes that test is complete darkness. things seem to be going really well, God is close to us, lives are changed, and great things are happening. then suddenly, nothing. the light is gone and we feel very alone. our sins put up layers of doubt and disobedience that block the light. the solution then is confession, repentance, obedience. we must search for those sins and pray to God asking for forgiveness, but also pray trusting that God is still God.

the prophet isaiah reminds us that God's plan is better than ours. "'for my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,' declares the Lord. 'as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.'" (isaiah 55:8-9)

paul experienced great testing. he also encourages us in the book of romans when he explains that tests bring perseverance, perseverance develops character, and character builds hope. hope does not disappoint.

a jesus culture song called 'you won't relent' puts the testing in another perspective. God wants our hearts and he will adjust the curriculum and the many courses so that we give it to Him. sometimes it just takes a few tests, sometimes it takes years and years of testing. but he won't relent.

you won't relent until you have it all

my heart is Yours

i'll set you as a seal

upon my heart

as a seal upon my arms

for there is long, that is as strong as death

jealousy demanding as the grave

and many waters cannot quench this love

come be the fire inside of me

come be the flame upon my heart

come be the fire inside of me

until you and i are one

Lord, give me enough joy to encourage me, enough love to strengthen me, enough success to build my confidence in you, enough suffering to force me to depend on you, and enough confusion to make me seek your face.

day 15: the risk of grace"

"and as for us, why do we endanger ourselves every hour? i die every day - i mean that, brothers - just as surely as i glory over you in Christ Jesus our Lord."

1 corinthians 15:30-31

a few months ago, we had a "doubt night" as our lesson for the high school students of our youth group, LinC. it was planned partly because of a young, tragic suicide in the area - a relative of at least one of our students. we recognized that there is a lot that our youth have to deal with these days, a lot to process and grasp, and we need to allow for questions and discussion and "doubts". the night was prefaced with explaining that even the wisest and oldest of us may not have answers to some of their questions. we encouraged them to share their questions - reminding them that it is okay to have doubts and questions. even the leaders struggle with doubts. a lot of great discussion came out of that night - some unexpected questions, some expected ones. i wasn't surprised to hear someone ask, "why does God allow suffering?"

the question could be a general one - why does God allow suffering in the world? why did God allow the disaster in japan that has taken thousands of lives, injured several other thousands, and left an unimaginable amount of people homeless? it could be much more specific - why does God allow suffering in our lives? the young man clearly was suffering an incredible amount to the point where he took his own life. why would God allow that?

as Christians, we often have this idea in our head that because of our faith and obedience to God and our decision to follow Him, that we should live wonderful, joyous and pain-free lives. i don't even realize how often i think this way. i know in my head that Christianity isn't an exemption from suffering, but when i face struggles and pain my reaction is to slowly pull my heart away. as i have admitted recently i begin to love God less, trust Him less.

in june of 2007, some of my family and i went to a resort in jamaica for a week. it was partly just an excuse to vacation in the caribbean, but it was also a celebration of my aunt being cancer free for five years. it was one of the best weeks of my life (i have had a lot of "best weeks of my life", mind you). within a few weeks of being home from that trip, my mom sat me down and told me that she had been diagnosed with breast cancer. she had such strength as she talked to me (she knew she had to be with me, not that it was a false strength) and explained that the doctors were confident that they could get rid of the cancer and she would be fine. but i would be lying if i said that i never once felt angry at and confused by God. it felt like such a slap in the face.

you probably know the outcome of that diagnosis. next year we will be celebrating my mom being cancer-free for five years. God is good. i don't just say that because of the "happy ending." i say that because i know that God used that time to strengthen my faith. of course i was a Christian then. but i think it is fair to say that i wouldn't be who i am today without that experience. through it He deepened my understanding of faith, hope, and love.

not every story has a happy ending. grace is not only costly, but it is risky. but the reward is great. it draws us closer to Jesus. Jesus knows suffering. but He loves us and He would rather die than live without us.

Lord, i admit that i do not always understanding why things happen. forgive me when i lose faith in you in the midst of suffering. thank you for using trials to draw me closer to you.

day 14: too full to eat?

"blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled."

matthew 5:6

i have had the privilege to travel a considerable amount in my 29 years. yesterday was my birthday and my mom pointed out that i have celebrated my birthday in a lot of different places other than home in NJ. junior year of high school i spent it on a youth group missions trip to cary, misssissippi. the following year i was on a school spring break trip to italy. junior year of college my birthday was spent in transit from NJ back to calvin college in MI. the following year i was with a group of college friends on spring break in colorado. last year was spent serving with our youth group in ghana, west africa. i love to travel (not just on my birthday though). it exposes you to landscapes and cultures and food. it puts faces to a place that once was just a dot on a map.

some of my traveling has been to places with incredible poverty, both within the US and overseas in third-world countries. my semester abroad to daystar university in kenya (nairobi and athi river campus) opened my eyes and my heart to poverty that is hard to imagine. within nairobi is the largest and poorest african slum in kibera. approximately one million people live (hard to consider it living) in one-square mile. no water, no sewage, no toilets, no roads. houses are wooden shacks with mud floor and tin roof. it is hard to imagine. no photo can do it justice. it is hard to see.

nairobi is filled with street children. many of them walk around high off of the glue that they sniff from a bottle. begging is a way of life. mzungus (white people) are their targets. we were trained on our first day of touring the city with the respond - si lao. not today. the the several months that i spent there i began to recognize the faces of these street children. they recognized me too. one day a few of them grabbed my hands and the hands of my friends with me and followed us into nakumatt, the food store that we frequented. i knew i didn't want to give them money. just like here in the states, you don't know where that money will go or how it will be spent. i also knew that if i did anything for them it could very possibly become a habit. they may tell their other friends and those street children would expect something from me too. but i couldn't just give them the line that they expected. i couldn't tell them, not today. i bought them a few items from the store. not that one day of food would make a big difference in their many days of poverty. if only that loaf of bread and packs of crackers could turn into enough to feed them every day.

i don't know what hunger feels like. i don't know how it feels to do absolutely anything in order to survive. i have never had to dig through garbage in hopes of finding someone's leftovers that i can have as a meal. i have never sniffed glue out of a bottle in order to mask the embarrassment of having to beg.

yet i put garbage into my body, my mind, my heart, even my soul, every day. i have the option of something much better, much more satisfying, and yet i settle for less. some relationships, entertainment, money, even certain forms of food and drink, are all poison that i put into my body. it never satisfies. ingesting such things is damaging and yet habit. i am too full of this junk to be hungry for what actually nourishes me.

Jesus tells us that he is the "bread of life." He invites us to partake in the greatest meal, a feast, that we will ever experience. why settle for anything else?

Lord, forgive me for passing up the gift of your feast and settling for garbage that the world offers. give me a hunger that will only be satisfied by you. thank you for giving us Jesus as the bread of life.

day 13: grace - cheap or costly?

"for Christ's love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. and he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again."

2 corinthians 5:14-15

i recently gave up soda. not for lent, and not because i am a huge soda addict, but because i realized how empty it is and what a waste (of calories) it is. i will admit that i have had a little here and there, mostly when i am sick and either need ginger ale to settle my stomach or the carbonation of sprite to soothe a sore throat. but i used to have it much more often - a sprite every day or so. the thing about soda is that not only is it a waste, but it doesn't even accomplish what a beverage should. it doesn't quench thirst. in fact, it probably makes me thirstier which causes me to drink more. now i mostly drink water with a juice, lemonade or iced tea here and there. pure water is the most thirst quenching liquid and the only one that truly satisfies.

grace is a common religious term heard in the church. we throw it around and often sing songs about it without really understanding it. sunday school taught me what it means and catechism enforced it - getting something you don't deserve. does that really grasp the depth of it? i have recently admitted that in a lot of ways i struggle with grace. i know what it means. i recognize my need for grace. but i have a fully accepted it? do i accept grace freely without trying to earn it and work for it in some way? i have asked myself, if i didn't do any of the "good" things that i do now with my life (serving as a youth leader, missions trips, leading worship in the band, tithing, even going to church each week), would i be able to accept grace? do i do them to feel more "deserving" (as if we could ever deserve even the smallest big of grace)? i know that for me part of the reason i do these things is out of gratitude and thankfulness as a response to God for the grace. but part of me is still trying to earn grace.

grace can be broken down into cheap grace and costly grace. "cheap grace is the sterile doctrine of forgiveness divorced from Jesus himself." to me cheap grace recognizes that i have been forgiven of my sins through the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ, but it doesn't change my life. cheap grace continues in the same sins and struggles. it expects the Christian life to be easy. when it gets too hard, we quit.

costly grace recognizes the sacrifice of Jesus and transforms us. "grace is not the real thing unless it makes a real difference in our lives." costly grace exposes sin and produces sorrow for it. as paul says in 2 corinthians 5, "Christ's love compels us." costly grace costs us something - our own life. yes, Jesus died and saved us from our sins. but we must give up our earthly lives to God, even when the road is hard and long.

cheap grace is like soda, it never really satisfies. if we want to quench our thirst, we must drink the pure water of costly grace. if we drink it, it will change our lives forever.

Lord, help me to better understand grace. thank for giving us the gift of your son, Jesus, as a means of grace. in response to that gift, fill me with gratitude that results in the transforming of my life. shine your light into the crevices of my heart so i will find selfishness that i never knew existed. give me a thirst that is only quenched by you.

day 12: death...and your good clothes.

"put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature...do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in the knowledge in the image of its Creator."

colossians 3:5, 9-10

take my life, i lay it down

at the cross where i am found

all i have i give to you, oh God

take my hands and make them clean

keep my heart in purity

that i may walk in all You have for me

oh, here i stand arms open wide

oh, i am Yours and You are mine Jesus

take my moments and my days

let each breath that i take

be ever only for you, oh God

oh, here i stand arms open wide

oh, i am Yours and You are mine Jesus

oh, here i stand arms open wide

oh, i am Yours and You are mine

my whole life is yours, i give it all

surrendered to Your name

and forever i will pray

have Your way, have Your way Jesus

the words from a song by samuel david knock (arms open wide) are my prayer for today. as i continue to die to my self, i give my life to God for i am not my own.

paul says to put our earthly nature to death and to replace it with our new self. even Christians struggle with this earthly nature. as our faith matures, our sinful nature does too. we may shift from sins like cursing, sexual immorality, gossip, violence and such (more outward sins) to more under-the-surface sins like pride, greed, lost for power and popularity, etc. colossians 3:1-17 paints a bigger picture than those few verses and talks further about putting on the new self. he gives guidance of "good clothes" that we are to put on in place of earthly nature that we kill: compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience, forgiveness, love, peace, thankfulness.

"he never asks you to put on anything he hasn't worn himself." do i need to be patient with someone? He has been incredibly patient with me. do i need strength? He endured the cross. am i struggling to forgive someone who hurt me? God has forgiven all of my sins.

Lord, help me to loosen my grip on my life and give it up to you. as i die to my self and put to death my earthly nature, fill me with your Spirit that i may put on new clothes - Christ-like attitudes and behaviors that glorify you.

day 11: bought and paid for

"do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? you are not your own; you were bought at a price. therefore honor God with your body."

1 corinthians 6:19-20

you may or may not be a fan of adam young or his band owl city. i have actually seen them perform twice and admit that i enjoy a lot of the music. there is one song though that i absolutely love, 'meteor shower.' it is my understanding that adam young is a christian and to me this song reflects biblical themes. it even reminds me of the heidelberg catechism, question and answer 1 ("i am not my own but belong body and soul to my faithful Savior, Jesus Christ"). the words of the song...

i can finally see

that you're right there beside me

i am not my own

for i have been made new

please don't let me go

i desperately need you

i am not my own

for i have been made new

please don't let me go

i desperately need you

paul talks about slavery in his letter to the romans, but it is just as relevant today as it was in the first century. "don't you know that...you are slaves to the one whom you obey - whether you are slaves to sin, which leads to death, or to obedience, which leads to righteousness." (romans 6:16) we are all slaves to something, or maybe somethings. if it isn't obedience to Jesus Christ, it will destroy us. as david nasser points out, sins gnaw at our hearts, cutting us off from the Spirit. "instead of forgiveness, we are crushed by guilt. instead of thankfulness, we are bitter at God and at others who have hurt us. instead of sensing God's presence, we feel alone and empty." spiritual death, i can relate to that. even in this 11 day journey so far, i can feel satan using these very things to tempt me and pull away from Jesus - guilt, bitterness, hurt, loneliness, emptyness. but i will not let these things dictate my life because i am reminded that i am not my own; i have been bought with a price.

the bible reveals two types of slavery. the first is the most commonly thought of concept of slavery in which a person is simply owned by a master and must obey what the master commands. but there is a second type of "slavery" that gives choice. doulos is a greek word for "bondservant." an indentured servant is a slave until his debt is paid off. on the day they are set free, the slave has the choice to remain as a bondslave. if the master has been loving to them, they choose to remain. if they choose to continue to enjoy the master's love and kindness, their ear was pierced with a tool as a sign to all that being loved was more important than being free.

Jesus paid our debt and now that we are free we have the same choice. God has been a kind and loving master, hasn't He?

Lord, i am not my own. you paid for me through the death of Jesus Christ. i am yours and want you to do with me what you want, my kind and loving master.

day 10: rubbish...what does that mean?

"but whatever was to my profit i now consider loss for the sake of Christ. what is more, i consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake i have lost all things. i consider them rubbish, that i may gain Christ..."

philippians 3:7-8

dietrich bonhoeffer said, "the call of Jesus teaches us that our relation to the world has been built on an illusion." God shattered paul's illusion on that road to damascus. paul had every reason to boast, by the world's standards. circumcised on the 8th day, an israelite from the tribe of benjamin, a "hebrew of hebrews", a pharisee that followed the law strictly, a zealous persecutor of the church, blameless and righteous. all of his credentials he considered worth less than nothing because he met Jesus.

later on in the book of philippians, paul reveals his secret: "i know what it is to be in need, and i know what it is to have plenty. i have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. i can do everything through him who gives me strength." (philippians 4:12-13) paul learned to find joy, contentment and pleasure in Christ alone.

what illusions pervade my heart? what must i count as loss for the sake of Christ? what credentials do i value and use to seek power, prestige and popularity?

philippians 3:1-14, one of paul's letters to the philippians, includes a warning to beware of dogs and evil workers. a commentary suggests that this is a reference to judaizers - jewish christians who believed that it was important for gentiles to follow all the old testament jewish laws, especially circumcision. many judaizers were motivated by spiritual pride. paul criticized them because of their focus on what they did to make them believers, rather than the free gift of grace given by Christ. i don't hold onto the old testament jewish laws, but i can relate to spiritual pride. am i depending on being good to make me right with God? has my spiritual pride caused me to persecute others? of course not literally, but figuratively?

Lord, shatter my illusions. forgive me for placing value in my credentials and for using them to get ahead and as a result, persecuting others. they are worth less than nothing in comparison to the grace of Christ.

day 9: what's your treasure?

"the kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. when a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field. again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant looking for fine pearls. when he found one of great value, he went away and sold everything he had a bought it."

matthew 13:44-46

i love jeeps. if you know me at all you know that when i generalize "jeeps" i actually mean jeep wranglers. i mean, what is the point of the other models anyway? i have loved them for years. you can imagine my excitement then when i received a phone call from my dad, while away during my semester in kenya, informing me that we had an opportunity to buy a jeep wrangler from an employee where he works. this wasn't just any jeep. this was THE jeep that i had my eyes on all summer long while working the grounds. it was the 1995 jeep wrangler sahara that was always parked behind building 2 (pathways) of the christian health care center. with the support from my dad, it didn't take much thought from me to decide that i would love this to be my first car. sadly, i sold this jeep in 2006 in an attempt to save on gas money and avoid any potential upcoming problems it might have. i miss having a jeep. in fact, i envy every jeep driver on the road (it's a jeep thing, you wouldn't understand). i have decided that when i finish up my education and get a good job i am going to reward myself by purchasing a jeep - preferably a few years old, 4-door beauty.

i wouldn't consider myself to be an extremely materialistic person (maybe this is the problem, am i in denial?). really, i could go through life without all of the "things" that many people crave and desire. for me the jeep isn't so much a material item that i wish to have in order to show it off and feel cool. i simply love jeeps.

the problem, or the question, that this raises in light of these verses is this: do i have the same desire for Jesus as i do jeeps? on the surface, yes i value my faith and Jesus much more than any material thing. but do i go after God, with God being the goal and not the many ways in which he blesses me as the focus?

a common fault of many Christians (and of mine) is that "we love what Jesus does for us more than we love him." i am incredibly blessed. i have an amazing family, great friends, wealth (maybe not in comparison to many americans but compared to many in the world), wonderful education, church and the ability to worship without persecution, talents and spiritual gifts that allow me to volunteer as a high school youth group leader, opportunities to go on missions trips and travel various parts of the world, etc., i could go on and on. do i love Jesus or do i love what he does for me? if i didn't have any of these blessings, would i still love him?

when i am hurt, face struggles or hardships, lose something or someone that i value, my tendency is to question God and lose some of my faith. i would dare to say that i probably begin to love God less during those times. as we learned from yesterdays reading, when we are serious about following Jesus and treasuring our faith above everything else, we can count on two things: encouragement and testing. satan will tempt us. but do we always think about the ways that God may test us? God tested abraham, why wouldn't he test me? "he brings failure and pain into our lives, not to discourage us but to refine our desires and burn away the stuff that gets in our way."

Lord, we are bombarded with material distractions that give us a false and temporary satisfaction. along with my desire to follow you is my desire to treasure you above all else. help me to keep you as the goal, rather than what you would do for me.

day 8: lies, nothing but lies

"the one who received the seed that fell among the thorns is the man who hears the Word, but the worries of this life and the deceitfulness of wealth choke it, making it unfruitful. but the one who received the seed that fell on good soil is the man who hears the Word and understands it. he produces a crop, yielding a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown."

matthew 13:22-23

the passage given is a good follow up to the past few days. it emphasizes the idea of reaping what you sow and the importance of being in the Word (and understanding it). these two verses are a part of Jesus' parable of the four soils. he describes four types of soil - each of us fits into one of the four categories, generally. the first is the soil beside the road. any seed that falls hear is quickly picked up by birds. the second soil is rocky where there isn't much soil. a seed may grow quickly but is scorched by the sun because it has no roots and receives no nutrients. a third type of soil is among thorns which choke out any growth of the seed. only the fourth soil, the good soil yields a crop, much more than the seed that was sown.

many of us, even those of us who have been Christians for quite some time, are like the third type of soil in which we get caught up in the thorns - worries, wealth, distractions, etc. i think in many ways i represent all four types of soil, sometimes all at once, but sometimes one at a time. like a bird, the devil can quickly and easily snatch up the faith that i have. there are times when i grow quickly out of enthusiasm (like on a retreat or missions trip), but as soon as things get difficult or i face the reality of life, it dies out. as i have admitted in the past few days, the thorns of pride prevent growth.

i don't often think about the ways in which the devil plays a part in my struggles. i forget that in a lot of ways he desires me as much as God does, without the good intentions of a loving God. david nasser points out four ways in which satan tries to destroy us: temptation, accusation, confusion, obstacles. temptation is fairly obvious, but the ways in which he tempts us rarely are. he tempts me through distractions - anything to keep my attention from where it should be, on God. television, internet (facebook), busyness, even friends at times can distract us from spending time with God. then when we give into temptation, satan uses accusations to kick us while we are down. he convinces us that we are failures and cannot possibly be loved by God because of what we have done. he distorts our view of God, convincing us that we are unlovable, that God doesn't care and can't help us. it brings about confusion. as if that weren't enough, he throws obstacles in the way. daniel is good example of this. daniel prayed for weeks to God asking for wisdom. nothing happened. after about three weeks, an angel appears to daniel and tells him that God heard his prayer and sent an angel the very first day. but satan sent a demon to stop the angel from coming. this angel and demon fought in heaven for three weeks until the angel won and appeared to daniel to guide him.

"satan doesn't give as much merit to many of us because we aren't a threat to his purpose. but if we grow strong, he will oppose us." the stronger we grow, the harder satan has to work to destroy us.

Lord, i cannot fight the battle against satan on my own. give me the strength to resist temptation, accusation, confusion and obstacles. help me to become like the good soil that reaps a harvest beyond what is sown.

day 7: know the Word

"for the Word of God is living and active. sharper than double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. nothing in all creation is hidden from God's sight. everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of Him to whom we must give account."

hebrews 4:12-13

another danger of long-time (or even lifetime) Christians is familiarity. many of us grew up in the church and year after year in sunday school and bible school and even at our Christian schools, we learned and relearned stories from the Bible. if you are as lucky as i was, you even learned them and "acted" them out on felt-boards. by high school, we start to grumble and complain because we have heard about, say, noah and the ark a hundred times already. or maybe there are passages in the Bible that have become so familiar we could recite them. i think it is safe to even say that there are songs sung in church and chapels that we have sung so many times, we do not even think about what the words say. that is the danger - when something becomes so familiar that it loses meaning. we lose our ability to learn from it.

this past sunday we sang a song at restore called 'God You Reign'. mind you this is not an old hymn that we have been singing since we were four years old, but a song that has become familiar to us. i appreciated when ben spoelstra introduced the song by asking each person to read and think about the words, to not let it be something so familiar that it no longer has meaning.

in our small group at youth group this past sunday night, we were talking about what makes us able to trust God. a student mentioned how they often read devotionals which help them understand and therefore trust God. they also admitted that when they finish a particular devotional book, there is often a gap in time before they pick up another one. i spoke up and pointed out that even if we don't have a devotional we can go straight to the Word of God and see countless examples of people who experienced the faithfulness of God. we can look at their lives - some with very difficult lives - that see how God was still with them, encouragment for us to see and build our ability to trust him with our own lives. another student quickly mentioned the example of job. several of them chimed in with details of jobs difficult life. i sat back quietly and listened to them because to be quite honest, i could not remember a lot of the details of job's life, though i know at one time was something very familiar to me.

you cannot walk with God and not know God's word. God reveals himself in nature as a means of general revelation. but it is special revelation that we need to seek. (general and special revelations are topics discussed in my religion classes at calvin college that i mentioned a few days ago) if we walk with God without knowing the Word, how do we even know Him? instead we create a God that we want to walk with, a God that is convenient for us.

i am working on unfamiliarizing myself with Bible stories and verses and songs so that i can relearn who He is in order to know who i am following.

Lord, you give us the Scriptures as a way to know you more deeply. help me to read your Word as if it were the first time so that i can develop a greater understanding. give me the discipline to hear, read, study, memorize and meditate on the Word with the help of the Holy Spirit.

day 6: God's work

"'therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed - no only in my presence, but now much more in my absence - continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose.'"

philippians 2:12-13

i am a big fan of the book of philippians. the apostle paul is possibly one of my favorite authors - forget shakespeare, hemingway, and dickens. if i could write a research paper for my english 102 class (let's not even talk about the ridiculousness of my needing to take that class right now as i go back to school) on paul's letters, i would. i will admit, though, that this verse and the part about "working out your salvation" has always intimidated me. how do i possibly work out my salvation?

as it turns out, i am constantly trying to work out my salvation. the problem is that i go about it all wrong. i don't think i am the only one. i wouldn't consider myself at all a pharisee but i think i have some of their tendencies in me. growing up (i turn 29 next week but i think i am still growing up), i have often relied on following an unwritten list of do's and don't's in order to feel worthy of salvation. i think i have mentioned this struggle before - my struggle with truly understanding grace. some of the rules in my mind: go to church every week (which used to be twice on sundays), be a good and nice person, don't curse or smoke or drink or do drugs, go to youth group and catechism. i think the list of rules has matured a little over time: tithe, volunteer/serve, don't drink excessively, be a good example to others, etc.

the rules in themselves are not wrong, per say. i think they are followed as an outpouring of love and thankfulness to God. but as nasser points out "rules have their place, but if that's all there is to our Christianity, we become hardened, shallow, prideful, and judgemental." confession: whether i always realize it or not, i often consider myself better than others. it is easy for me to look at my life and in comparison to others i know or observe, think that i am living a more pleasing and God-glorifying life. i made judgments about others. pride creeps in.

more and more i realize what a prideful person i have become. not all of the time and only in certain areas of my life and faith. in a recent conversation with a friend, i admitted the dangers of being raised a Christian from birth. (now, do not for a minute think that i am suggesting you not impress your faith upon your children from birth - not what i am saying here) i grew up following these "rules" - unsaid rules that became a way of life - that developed into a more mature version of the same zealousness. it gives me a false pride that is harmful to me, harmful in my relationship to others, and hurtful to God. this friend spoke of regrets - a recovered drug addict who made a lot of choices that hurt him in so many ways. he was not raised in a Christian home, in fact no one else in his family is a Christian, and he did not become a believer until college. he speaks about the ways in which God has been faithful and worked in him - a recognition of grace in his life. he envies my being "good" and my upbringing, but i envy his ability to admit how much he needs Jesus.

the rest of the verse offers a lot of hope to me: "for it is God who works in you." the Holy Spirit can make the life of Christ flow in my heart and change my desire. but i still have a responsibility to do certain things. it is not a list of do's and don't's but a relationship with Jesus that stems and grows out of prayer, reading the Word of God, memorizing and knowing the Word, spending time with people who influence me to be holy, worship, etc.

being a follower of Jesus is a relationship with Christ, not a zealous list of do's and don't's that has the potential to kill our faith.

Lord, thank you for sending people into my life to remind me that being "good" leads to pride, that i should instead recognize my need for Jesus. fill me with the Holy Spirit to convict me, comfort me, help me, strengthen me, give me the gifts i need to be empowered to minister to others out of love.

day 5: excuses, excuses

'then a teacher of the law came to him and said, 'teacher, i will follow you wherever you go.' Jesus replied, 'foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head.' another disciple said to him, 'Lord, first let me go and bury my father.' but Jesus told him, 'follow me, and let the dead bury their own dead.'"

matthew 8:19-22

am i any different than these two individuals who agree to follow Jesus? of course i want to follow Jesus. most of the time (i would be lying if i said said all of the time), i would even add the second part - wherever Jesus goes. at first glance and quick read of these verses, Jesus response to his offer may seem confusing and even shocking. the man just offered to follow him wherever he went. why would Jesus challenge him with the reality of having to give up a comfortable and secure life in order to do so? Jesus can see into the man's heart. the teacher of the law did not address Jesus as Lord but as Teacher. he wanted further intellectual stimulation. when i talk to Jesus and tell him that i will follow him wherever he goes, how do i address him? does my heart reflect a genuine commitment, no matter the cost?

the second man, the disciple, is also willing to follow Jesus. what is the problem here? he made an excuse. as someone who values family and is extremely close to each member, i can understand this man's desire to deal with a family situation. some have suggested that it is possible that this man's father had not yet died, and he was simply putting off following Jesus until he was ready. regardless, Jesus doesn't accept excuses.

how often have i given excuses to Jesus? all of the time. the problem is, like the disciple above who wished to respect his father, the excuses usually sound reasonable to us. i rarely think of my response an excuse, but how it sounds to Jesus is that i am putting something insignificant above him. no matter how reasonable it seems to me, it is disobedience and it breaks God's heart.

excuses destroy us. what if no one gave up their time and money to go to japan and help in the rescue and recovery and restoration of the disaster stricken country? what if missionaries didn't follow God's calling to spread the Good News of the Gospel around the world? what if our churches simply worshiped on Sunday and never went out from their church buildings to serve their communities, near and far? what if Jesus gave an excuse to God and didn't die on the cross? what if i continue to let excuses get in the way of me fully obeying and following Jesus?

Lord, forgive me for claiming to want to follow you yet coming up with excuses that break Your heart.

day 4: rewards

(day 4 was actually on saturday, march 12th, which i did, but the blog is coming today - look forward another blog later today on day 5. *sundays, while i observe them as part of lent, are a day of worship and celebration that do not have a reading or a blog*)

"those who honor me i will honor."

1 samuel 2:30

at the beginning of every chapter (day) in this book is a verse, as i include on the top of the blogs. oftentimes, it is actually just a part of that verse, or parts of verses. this is understandable as he most likely intends to capture a main idea, but in his text he typically includes more or it. if not, at the end of the reading, he suggests to read a portion of scripture that captures more. that being said, "those who honor me i will honor" is not all that is said in 1 samuel 2:30. it is actually a small portion of a group of verses that the NIV titles 'Prophecy Against the House of Eli'. eli's sons continued to disobey God deliberately by cheating, seducing and robbing the people. eli had a hard time disciplining his sons for their actions even though he was aware of their behavior. this was problematic because he was more than a father with rebellious sons, but a high priest ignoring the sins of priests in his jurisdiction. in this way, he honors his sons above God. 1 samuel 2:30 is God taking the necessary action, "therefore the Lord, the God of Israel, declares: 'i promised that members of your family would minister before me forever.' but now the Lord declares, 'far be it from me! those who honor me i will honor, but those who despise me will be disdained.'

we reap what we sow. david nasser explains this through the 'law of the harvest: we reap what we sow, we reap more than we sow, we reap after we sow. what we sow can be good or bad - that is our choice. but whatever we chose to sow, will have consequences - what we reap. "if our goal is to be happy, thousand of obstacles will get in our way, but if our goal is to honor God, we can accomplish that goal no matter what circumstances we encounter." we can sow to please the sinful nature, or we can sow to please the Spirit. (galatians 6:7-9) when we sow to please the Spirit, we will reap an eternal harvest.

Lord, open up my eyes to ways in which i am selfishly sowing to please my sinful nature, and change my heart to sow to please the Spirit.

day 3: ruined

"'woe to me!' i cried. 'i am ruined! for i am a man of unclean lips, and i live among a people of unclean lips, and i live among a people of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the Lord Almighty.'"

isaiah 6:5

confession: i don't think of myself as being "unclean" nearly as often, or to the extent, that i should. confession #2: i don't think of how incredibly "clean" God is to the extent or as often as i should. as a result of these two confessions (or faults, which is really what they are), i have this false sense of pride and build myself up to be more similar to the holiness of God than i ever should. of course i do not consider myself at all close to the perfection of our Creator, i rarely recognize the huge gap that there is between us.

this prides corrupts all of me - it ruins me. because of it, because i do not recognize how unclean i am and how clean God is, i do not understand grace like i could. if i truly understood grace, i would realize how incredibly unworthy i am of even living and breathing each and every day, and certainly of speaking to God and having a relationship with Him. this false sense of pride allows me to think that i am better than i am and therefore capable of doing things myself, rather than being utterly and completely dependent upon God.

when isaiah saw God in a vision, he quickly recognized how ruined he was in comparison to God's beauty and perfection. his own sin is exposed in the light of the presence of God. if you read more of isaiah 6 you will learn that when isaiah recognizes his uncleanliness, a seraph flies to him and touches his mouth with a live coal. as a result, his guilt is taken away, his sin atoned for, and he is made clean enough to be used by God. it sounds good right? a live coal is extremely hot and to touch it to flesh (especially the sensitive flesh of lips) would be incredibly painful. but that temporary pain is worth it to isaiah. he is ruined. he is healed. now he can be used.

"we can't realize how good it (the Good News) is until we become aware - painfully aware - of how bad we are." only when we realize this can we possibly make change. we become comfortable with stability. "Stability often produces passivity...but upheaval - a move, graduation, a job change, a broken relationship, sickness, a deep disappointment - breaks our hearts, reveals our needs, and somehow opens us to listen."

Lord, break my heart and destroy my pride. forgive me and heal me so that i can be used by you for your Kingdom.

day 2: hard words

"on hearing it, many of his disciples said, 'this is hard teaching. who can accept it?' from this time many of his disciples turned back and no longer followed him."

john 6:60, 66

i went to calvin college. i know about "hard teaching". as a religion minor (though not officially, but i had enough credits to be) who survived countless discussions and debates about various theological topics that use big word with big meanings i know how it feels to experience hard teaching. i had an interest in it though, so a desire to understand made it easier. talk to me about concepts of economics and microfinance though and my eyes will glaze over. no matter how good you are at teaching, i very well might not ever fully grasp the subject. is that what john means here when he refers to "hard teaching"?

in another reference to our bible study discussions i will share that we often confess that if we were there with Jesus as he taught we probably wouldn't have understood a lot of what He said either. in fact, the disciples probably look good in comparison to how poorly we would follow the teaching. sometimes, Jesus' words are difficult because we do not have the overall understanding and knowledge and intimacy with God that is necessary.

but more often than not Jesus' teachings are hard because we don't want to hear them. the disciples had just witnessed some pretty amazing miracles - feeding of the five thousand (which we learn is actually probably more like fifteen to twenty thousand people including the women and children), walking on water, healing an invalid. following Jesus then was easy. but when Jesus challenges the people with his teaching of him being the bread of life, it isn't so easy anymore. as john reports, many of his followers leave him. i would like to think that i would have been like one of the twelve disciples staying with Jesus. but if i were honest with myself i would admit that i, too, would have left.

i have often found myself thinking that if i had been there, rather than here in the United States in the twenty-first century, it would be easier to be a Christ-follower. they had the advantage of being there with Jesus, to see the miracles, to hear his words. clearly, by the reaction of the crowd, that was not the case. i wouldn't be surprised if the twelve disciples still had their doubts at this point. when Jesus asked them, "you do not want to leave too, do you?" (john 6:67), their hearts must have been pounding. but they pushed aside those fears and doubts and stuck beside him, with the exception of judas of course.

in reality, it should be easier to be a Christ-follower now. we have the advantage of having the Bible. we in the United States do not face the reality of persecution. we know the outcome - that Jesus died on the cross and rose again, all to glorify God and fulfill His plan to redeem us from our sins. but we still face "hard teaching." i know i do. not in the sense that the crowd following Jesus did, but He still calls us to follow him and be obedient in ways that often go against what culture tells us is right.

He is the bread of life. culture tells us to fill up on everything else. go after success and money. eat, drink and be merry. fill your bodies with temporary pleasures. yet we are never satisfied and always craving more. it is nothing but empty calories - money, fame, drugs, sex, unhealthy relationships, workaholism, etc.

when we have everything and yet still feel empty, or when everything (or maybe even just that one thing that we value so much) is taken from us, it is a "hard teaching." Jesus wants to fill that spot. sometimes we need to hurt until we get that right.

Lord, as a father who disciplines their children when they are doing something harmful, thank you for loving me so much that you would hurt me with hard teachings in order to get me right with you.

day 1: take up your cross

"then Jesus said to his disciples, 'if anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me."

matthew 16:24

we americans like simple step-by-step instructions to get us from point A to point B. we like to come up with programs that will help us reach our end goal. right now i am taking a financial course being offered by my church - dave ramsey's financial peace university. it involves 7 "baby steps" that if followed should lead to financial peace (and a generous-minded wealth). so thousands of years ago, Jesus offers a three-step approach to becoming His disciple. one, deny myself. two, take up my cross. three, follow Him. simple right?

it is not simple for me. i must deny myself. the problem is that even when i think i am doing the "right" thing and putting others before myself, deep down i still have myself at the very center. i don't even realize how incredibly selfish i am. my ambitions, behaviors, attitude and my desires are all selfish. take a good thing in my life that i am doing - volunteering as a high school youth group leader - and even that act of service is corrupted by my selfishness. when i play as part of the worship band for church is my focus always on God and giving Him all the praise and glory? i wish i could say it were but if i am being honest with myself i know that it isn't true.

my first step, then, is recognizing places in my life that i am being selfish without even realizing it. it is my prayer that God opens up my eyes to those areas in my life and then that He will give me the strength to say "no" to the temptations.

take up my cross. as i alluded to earlier, the majority of the time i do not even realize when i am doing something wrong. in bible study recently we were discussing the second aspect of worship, confession and assurance of pardon. we openly admitted to each other that we often have a hard time thinking of ways in which we have sinned. if we have a hard time even recognizing our sin, how much harder than to admit that we deserve to be executed on a cross as sinners! i imagine that what Jesus said here resonated deeper with the disciples as they had a better understanding of crucifixions. in walking down the road, they might have seen a criminal hanging on a cross as a consequence of their crime. how often do we see anyone punished publically for their crimes/sins?

david nasser points out that Jesus is our example. "He isn't asking us to do anything he hasn't already done to a far higher degree than we will ever do." thankfully, we will never have to endure the suffering that Christ did on the cross. He, though innocent and perfect and blameless, took on the sins of the world. but we still need to take up our crosses.

the last step, follow me, appears to be the easiest of the three. my desire is to follow Jesus, no question about that. but i cannot follow Him if i don't first deny myself and take up my cross. the apostle paul reminds me in philippians 2 of what it means to have the nature of a servant. Christ Jesus did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, He made himself nothing and humbled himself to death on a cross.

nasser closes this chapter with a short story about dwight moody who heard a preacher challenge his audience. the preacher said "the world has yet to see what God will do through one man whose heart is completely his." if i deny myself, take up my cross, and follow him, my heart will be completely his.

Lord, i desire to follow you. give me a servant heart that denies myself and takes up my own cross, dying daily to glorify you.

a call to die.

"when Christ calls a man, He bids him come and die."

dietrich bonhoeffer

this bonhoeffer quote has stuck with me since the first time i heard it. it reflects an idea (or attitude) that the Bible, the very Word of God, offers through the words of the apostle Paul. "...to live is Christ, and to die is gain..." (philippians 1:21) it of course is expressing that as followers of Christ, we must die to self. a song that i love, 'lead me to the cross', has a line in the chorus that speaks to this idea of dying to self - "rid me of myself, i belong to You."

i guess this notion has been on my mind because when i browsed the hawthorne bible house bookstore a few weeks ago, my attention was immediately drawn to david nasser's 'a call to die.' (i confess, i do tend to judge book by their covers) as soon as i picked it up, i just had a sense of knowing that this was the one. i glanced over the explanation on the back cover a bit, skimmed the foreword by chris tomlin (another selling point, might i add), and knew i didn't need to look any further. sold.

'a call to die' is explained to be "a 40 day journey of fasting from the world & feasting on God." maybe i should be taking it as a literal 40 days of fasting, as in fasting from food. but i decided that food isn't really something that gets in the way of my relationship with God. so what does? what worldly thing - something that can be used for good but has become misused - is taking up my time and distracting me from God? facebook. sure, i use it as a means of communicating with long lost friends and family. i even use it to build relationships with kids from youth group - a way to talk to them and be there. but how often am i signed on, not really doing anything with with, as the minutes fly by and take time away from my life?

so for the next 40 days (the lent season) i will be away from facebook as part of my fast. from what i gather, this book challenges you to go beyond reading its chapters but really dive in and answer questions and such. i decided that i will commit to 40 days of blogging as a means of reflecting on the journey. the blog will most likely not include answers to the specific questions in the book, but my thoughts and feelings and reactions that it provokes, as appropriate.

tomorrow begins my answering the call to die.