"'woe to me!' i cried. 'i am ruined! for i am a man of unclean lips, and i live among a people of unclean lips, and i live among a people of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the Lord Almighty.'"
isaiah 6:5
confession: i don't think of myself as being "unclean" nearly as often, or to the extent, that i should. confession #2: i don't think of how incredibly "clean" God is to the extent or as often as i should. as a result of these two confessions (or faults, which is really what they are), i have this false sense of pride and build myself up to be more similar to the holiness of God than i ever should. of course i do not consider myself at all close to the perfection of our Creator, i rarely recognize the huge gap that there is between us.
this prides corrupts all of me - it ruins me. because of it, because i do not recognize how unclean i am and how clean God is, i do not understand grace like i could. if i truly understood grace, i would realize how incredibly unworthy i am of even living and breathing each and every day, and certainly of speaking to God and having a relationship with Him. this false sense of pride allows me to think that i am better than i am and therefore capable of doing things myself, rather than being utterly and completely dependent upon God.
when isaiah saw God in a vision, he quickly recognized how ruined he was in comparison to God's beauty and perfection. his own sin is exposed in the light of the presence of God. if you read more of isaiah 6 you will learn that when isaiah recognizes his uncleanliness, a seraph flies to him and touches his mouth with a live coal. as a result, his guilt is taken away, his sin atoned for, and he is made clean enough to be used by God. it sounds good right? a live coal is extremely hot and to touch it to flesh (especially the sensitive flesh of lips) would be incredibly painful. but that temporary pain is worth it to isaiah. he is ruined. he is healed. now he can be used.
"we can't realize how good it (the Good News) is until we become aware - painfully aware - of how bad we are." only when we realize this can we possibly make change. we become comfortable with stability. "Stability often produces passivity...but upheaval - a move, graduation, a job change, a broken relationship, sickness, a deep disappointment - breaks our hearts, reveals our needs, and somehow opens us to listen."
Lord, break my heart and destroy my pride. forgive me and heal me so that i can be used by you for your Kingdom.
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