day 6: God's work

"'therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed - no only in my presence, but now much more in my absence - continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose.'"

philippians 2:12-13

i am a big fan of the book of philippians. the apostle paul is possibly one of my favorite authors - forget shakespeare, hemingway, and dickens. if i could write a research paper for my english 102 class (let's not even talk about the ridiculousness of my needing to take that class right now as i go back to school) on paul's letters, i would. i will admit, though, that this verse and the part about "working out your salvation" has always intimidated me. how do i possibly work out my salvation?

as it turns out, i am constantly trying to work out my salvation. the problem is that i go about it all wrong. i don't think i am the only one. i wouldn't consider myself at all a pharisee but i think i have some of their tendencies in me. growing up (i turn 29 next week but i think i am still growing up), i have often relied on following an unwritten list of do's and don't's in order to feel worthy of salvation. i think i have mentioned this struggle before - my struggle with truly understanding grace. some of the rules in my mind: go to church every week (which used to be twice on sundays), be a good and nice person, don't curse or smoke or drink or do drugs, go to youth group and catechism. i think the list of rules has matured a little over time: tithe, volunteer/serve, don't drink excessively, be a good example to others, etc.

the rules in themselves are not wrong, per say. i think they are followed as an outpouring of love and thankfulness to God. but as nasser points out "rules have their place, but if that's all there is to our Christianity, we become hardened, shallow, prideful, and judgemental." confession: whether i always realize it or not, i often consider myself better than others. it is easy for me to look at my life and in comparison to others i know or observe, think that i am living a more pleasing and God-glorifying life. i made judgments about others. pride creeps in.

more and more i realize what a prideful person i have become. not all of the time and only in certain areas of my life and faith. in a recent conversation with a friend, i admitted the dangers of being raised a Christian from birth. (now, do not for a minute think that i am suggesting you not impress your faith upon your children from birth - not what i am saying here) i grew up following these "rules" - unsaid rules that became a way of life - that developed into a more mature version of the same zealousness. it gives me a false pride that is harmful to me, harmful in my relationship to others, and hurtful to God. this friend spoke of regrets - a recovered drug addict who made a lot of choices that hurt him in so many ways. he was not raised in a Christian home, in fact no one else in his family is a Christian, and he did not become a believer until college. he speaks about the ways in which God has been faithful and worked in him - a recognition of grace in his life. he envies my being "good" and my upbringing, but i envy his ability to admit how much he needs Jesus.

the rest of the verse offers a lot of hope to me: "for it is God who works in you." the Holy Spirit can make the life of Christ flow in my heart and change my desire. but i still have a responsibility to do certain things. it is not a list of do's and don't's but a relationship with Jesus that stems and grows out of prayer, reading the Word of God, memorizing and knowing the Word, spending time with people who influence me to be holy, worship, etc.

being a follower of Jesus is a relationship with Christ, not a zealous list of do's and don't's that has the potential to kill our faith.

Lord, thank you for sending people into my life to remind me that being "good" leads to pride, that i should instead recognize my need for Jesus. fill me with the Holy Spirit to convict me, comfort me, help me, strengthen me, give me the gifts i need to be empowered to minister to others out of love.