"and as for us, why do we endanger ourselves every hour? i die every day - i mean that, brothers - just as surely as i glory over you in Christ Jesus our Lord."
1 corinthians 15:30-31
a few months ago, we had a "doubt night" as our lesson for the high school students of our youth group, LinC. it was planned partly because of a young, tragic suicide in the area - a relative of at least one of our students. we recognized that there is a lot that our youth have to deal with these days, a lot to process and grasp, and we need to allow for questions and discussion and "doubts". the night was prefaced with explaining that even the wisest and oldest of us may not have answers to some of their questions. we encouraged them to share their questions - reminding them that it is okay to have doubts and questions. even the leaders struggle with doubts. a lot of great discussion came out of that night - some unexpected questions, some expected ones. i wasn't surprised to hear someone ask, "why does God allow suffering?"
the question could be a general one - why does God allow suffering in the world? why did God allow the disaster in japan that has taken thousands of lives, injured several other thousands, and left an unimaginable amount of people homeless? it could be much more specific - why does God allow suffering in our lives? the young man clearly was suffering an incredible amount to the point where he took his own life. why would God allow that?
as Christians, we often have this idea in our head that because of our faith and obedience to God and our decision to follow Him, that we should live wonderful, joyous and pain-free lives. i don't even realize how often i think this way. i know in my head that Christianity isn't an exemption from suffering, but when i face struggles and pain my reaction is to slowly pull my heart away. as i have admitted recently i begin to love God less, trust Him less.
in june of 2007, some of my family and i went to a resort in jamaica for a week. it was partly just an excuse to vacation in the caribbean, but it was also a celebration of my aunt being cancer free for five years. it was one of the best weeks of my life (i have had a lot of "best weeks of my life", mind you). within a few weeks of being home from that trip, my mom sat me down and told me that she had been diagnosed with breast cancer. she had such strength as she talked to me (she knew she had to be with me, not that it was a false strength) and explained that the doctors were confident that they could get rid of the cancer and she would be fine. but i would be lying if i said that i never once felt angry at and confused by God. it felt like such a slap in the face.
you probably know the outcome of that diagnosis. next year we will be celebrating my mom being cancer-free for five years. God is good. i don't just say that because of the "happy ending." i say that because i know that God used that time to strengthen my faith. of course i was a Christian then. but i think it is fair to say that i wouldn't be who i am today without that experience. through it He deepened my understanding of faith, hope, and love.
not every story has a happy ending. grace is not only costly, but it is risky. but the reward is great. it draws us closer to Jesus. Jesus knows suffering. but He loves us and He would rather die than live without us.
Lord, i admit that i do not always understanding why things happen. forgive me when i lose faith in you in the midst of suffering. thank you for using trials to draw me closer to you.
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